Slooow

It's been a slow week for me, I think I'm losing my momentum a bit when it comes to the job search. I've also been a bit sad because all my friends are graduating from university now, and if I wasn't here I'd be among them. This week I've had to keep reminding myself of all the positive parts of being here, and that I'm having this mad experience that they aren't. I've confirmed with the university this week that I will be back, and in a way it's comforting to know I can go back, whilst the people I know are now being shoved into the real world. I've spent this time in the real world - it's lovely and all - but going back to student land probably won't be so bad.
I've noticed that the weather really affects how I feel - it's been rubbish for most of the week, and I've felt rubbish, but today, now that it's nice, I'm feeling perkier. Maybe because it's Friday, and weekends here always seem to get interesting.
Hopefully next week will be better. I've just been getting a bit bored and restless. There's only so many times I can go to the park and draw trees before it starts to get tedious. I guess that's what happens when you're broke - you can't afford to do anything interesting, so it feels like there's not really anything you can do. However, the money situation is looking up, so maybe this won't be an issue for long.
When I'm in a good mood, like today, I keep thinking how sad it is that in a few months everything will change again. If things could stay how they are now forever I wouldn't really complain. The past few months have been one of the happiest times of my life, and after the miserable year I had before that I really appreciate it. I'm definitely back to who I used to be, and that's how I want to be.

This week so far

It's been a very hot, sunny week in Turku so far. My enthusiasm for being here is back, so maybe bad weather was the problem. I've been out today putting english/art tutor adverts in supermarkets, and it's disgustingly hot and sticky. As stupid as it may sound, it never occured to me that it would get this hot in Finland. Of course, there are hippies everywhere, wandering around and playing music in the street. It makes for a really great atmosphere. I feel like I'm somewhere a bit more exotic than Finland.
This week I've been reminded of how much Finland likes to get the flag out - they were on the flagpoles for the past two days. Sunday was Mother's Day, but I'm not sure what the reason was yesterday. In my country the flag doesn't come out so much. I think it's quite nice to walk down the street and see them everywhere. It can be a shock sometimes to go outside and suddenly be surrounded by lots of flags. I've also been told that when someone dies the flag on their building is often put up at half mast as a sign of respect, and I have seen that a couple of times.
However, the most exciting and important thing this week - I have a job interview on Thursday! I'm so pleased, and I'm very determined and motivated to get the job. I just had a phone call about it, and I have an interview and trial period in the morning. It's at an English language pre-school, and I'd really love to get that job. Luckily, my lovely mother works as a primary school teacher, so hopefully she can give me some professional advice on dealing with large volumes of small children. When I called my parents to see if she was at home my father's advice extended to "try not to kill them." It would be so great to have a proper, sensible job and be more secure. I'm determined to make myself absolutely perfect for the position. I'm even happy to sell out a bit and adapt my appearance, seeing as that's not as conventional as it could be, and frightening the lovely children definitely won't make me seem like Mary Poppins. This means tattoos will be covered, hair, shoes and clothes will be sensible, and I need to somehow get my lip piercing out, which right now is proving difficult. On Thursday I will boggle everyone with my brilliance. If that fails, I'll just baffle them with my bullshit.

Itchy feet

I'm feeling restless. Maybe it's just post-holiday grumpiness, which I'm very prone to, but I thought it might not be an issue this time because my home is still a foreign place. Although, going away made me realise that Finland isn't that foreign anymore after all. It's quite comfortable.
It's not that I'm unhappy or I don't want to be here - I'd certainly rather be here than in England. In Oslo last week I would have killed to be back in Finland. I've been extremely fortunate here too. I live in a nice place with two lovely people, I've established a very good social life, and I've adapted to the culture of this country. Every time it's looked really bad something has happened to sort things out, at least temporarily. I can't believe my luck to be honest.
Maybe it's just because the weather wasn't so good until today that I've been in a bad mood. Right now I wish I could go somewhere brand new and do this all again. Perhaps I actually like having a certain element of discomfort in my life, or the feeling of everything being new, confusing, and exciting. Back in the day simply going to the supermarket was exciting because everything about it was unfamiliar. I suppose it's inevitable that that will fade away eventually, and maybe I just hadn't noticed until now.
I think my problem may well be that I now have to get back to the real world and start sorting out work/my finances again. On holiday I could completely forget about that and just have a good time. Plus with Easter falling the weekend before that, and applying for jobs at that time seeming a bit impractical, I had quite a long break from dealing with that stuff. Now I need to get back on it, and maybe it's just a bit of a struggle. I'll get there eventually, I'm sure. I hope.

Successful week so far

I've amazed myself with my own productivity in the past couple of days. I seem to have found a sudden spurt of energy and motivation. I've been a bit lethargic recently so maybe I'm getting over the hump.
I went to my appointment at the employment agency, and that all went fine. I've got a few more ideas of possible work options to look into, so I'm feeling more positive about that. Posti and Maistraati have also both confirmed my change of address, although apparently that's only been registered as a postal address, not a permanent address. I don't understand why, and don't quite understand how the hell you do get a permanent address, short of marrying a Finnish person. I suspect that this is the thing where I'm required to pay €47 at the police station, which I really didn't want to do, and still think is rather unfair. I'm a bit worried that's going to affect things with Kela, so perhaps tomorrow I need to find out what's going on with this. I really need the Kela thing to come through, otherwise I have a huge problem. I guess that paying that money isn't so terrible in the grand scheme of things if it means I'll get my rent paid and ensure me a stable place to live. It seems rather unjust, but if this is the difference between being safe and being homeless I'll have to do it.
I wish all this stuff had come to my attention months ago, or at least that I had been more efficient. I really think someone should compile a step by step guide to what an immigrant needs to do to get their stuff sorted here - I've been here for five months and it just gets more and more complicated. Although if I didn't need something from Kela I wouldn't be dealing with all of this at all, but I didn't even know I was required to apply to be covered by them until I went there for help.
Are things like this in every country? At least if I choose to come back to Finland in the future I'll be much better prepared.

Reflective walk

I decided to go for a short walk near the church this afternoon to ease my mind for a bit. It was a good idea - soothing and peaceful. I don't think I've ever paid much attention to the area directly around the church, except to set off fireworks on New Years Eve. It was strange that, despite being in the middle of the city, it was very quiet around there. It's set back from the main roads slightly, so perhaps that explains why. It was a bit too chilly to be wandering around for too long, but at least the sun was shining and there's much less ice and snow on the ground at the moment.

I sketched the statue of Per Brahe too, but suffered the usual problem of the ink in my pen freezing. On Wikipedia I found a photograph of the statue that was taken in 1900. It's funny how the background doesn't seem to have changed much since then. I also noticed I've now filled the Muumimamma sketchbook I bought on that first trip to Helsinki. That was when everything got a bit weird in my life. Maybe now it can stop.

It was nice to have some quiet time to just think about things. I happened to bump into someone I know too, and I realised that Turku is becoming quite familiar and homely now. I think this is a good place for me to be, despite certain claims that my life would be better in Helsinki. I don't think that's true.

As I've said before, there's been way too much chaos in my personal life recently, and I really want it all to end now. I can't believe it's been dragged out for so long. When I wander around Turku like this I realise that, regardless of the circumstances or the past, this is the place for me right now, and there's nowhere I'd rather be than right where I am. I've made the correct choice, I'm sure of it. It's been a struggle at times, but a worthwhile one if it means I can have a peaceful time here. I've met so many people, seen the reality of some things for the first time, and worked out what I really want. I feel motivated to do, and get, what I want, so I'm going to get everything in my life in order. Then go back to England and make a mess again!

Being productive and feeling better

I'm feeling much better about my problems because I've had so many supportive messages from my friends, and also complete strangers, both Finnish and foreign people in Finland, sympathising with me and offering some welcome advice. I'm very grateful to everyone for their encouragement.
Last night I set up an Etsy shop to sell artwork on, and I'm hoping that something will get sold to help me out, even if it's only a short term solution. This morning I've been working on a new painting to go in there, which I'm very satisfied with so far, replying to all these kind messages and thinking of some other potential projects. Plus I've done the laundry, only had a few hours sleep, and it's only 11am. Most days I wouldn't even be out of bed for another hour or so! I probably need some more coffee though.
In a way I'm really glad that I now have the motivation to work on these things. One of my personal aims for this year was to develop myself further as an artist and writer. Through this blog I've definitely devoted more time to writing, but without the influence of uni I felt like art was falling by the wayside a bit. I've really been lacking discipline, and I'm very happy to have now got back into the habit of working and developing ideas.
All the advice and good wishes have given me a new perspective on things. Yesterday I felt like I almost had no choice but to give up, yet now I feel like it's not over unless I decide it's over. I don't want that yet. They'll have to drag me kicking and screaming to the airport right now. I feel much more determined, and I think I'd miss out on a lot of cool stuff if I left now. I don't know exactly what is going to happen but I'm prepared to just do my best and let things unfold as they should.
So, the current plan is:
1. Work on some more small paintings to go on Etsy.
2. Make a digital portfolio to take to galleries. (If no one in Turku wants it, perhaps go further afield to Naantali and Salo)
3. Visit the employment agency to ask about proper jobs.

If anyone has any other suggestions or recommendations please contact me. And again, thank you all for being so supportive.