My moment of linguistic genius

Earlier I looked something up in the textbook I had for the Finnish course I went to, and then decided to look through it a bit more. Unfortunately whilst I was going to that course I was in the middle of breaking up with my ex, and lost the confidence to keep going, which I still think is a real shame. Since then I've been picking things up in a more casual way, but today I was compelled to have a look through the book some more and see if I could make some use of it. After all, it was fairly expensive to buy, so it's much better to still use it, even if it's on my own. Other people have told me that I speak more, and better, Finnish than they would have expected, so I think I should keep developing that.
Anyway, I came to a section with a few paragraphs describing a fictional Finnish family, and was amazed to discover that, as I read through it, I understood most of what was there! Not every single word, but I definitely got the gist of it. Plus, using what I already knew and had heard in the past, I managed to work out some of the new words and sentences! I feel like I have accomplished something good today, and now I'm much more inspired to keep using the book. It's hard to use the pages on grammar by myself, as the book doesn't contain any english text or explanations, but I can definitely use it to extend my vocabulary and look up thing like how to ask questions.
Added to that, the daycare finally contacted me regarding my wages! I was asked again for my bank details, but the email included a wage slip with tax information. How they managed to get the tax card but not the bank account number, which was definitely in the same envelope, is beyond me, but who cares! Hopefully I'll get my money tomorrow and can buy some decent food. A diet of noodles and toast is getting depressing now. Also, once I have the money I'm going to call the council about selling paintings in kauppatori. I'm really excited about doing that; I think it's a really good opportunity. Today has actually turned out to be a rather successful day.

Libraries are good

Today Minttu took me to the library to print some things, and it's really very nice. The older part is a really beautiful building, and inside there were some sculptures and digital artwork. There are lots of comfortable places to sit, and they even have a cafe!
She showed me where the foreign language books are, and they have a large selection in English. They also have quite a big section on art, also in a variety of languages. If I'm a bit bored sometime I think it would be enjoyable to go there and read something new. I wish I'd been there during the dark winter days, it would have been a good place to visit.
There's lots of light, especially in the new building, which can't be a bad thing if you're going there to read. However, my absolute favourite thing about the library was that the children's section, with lots of games and nice places to sit, was filled with teenagers and adults. Presumably it was more comfortable than the adult section.
It was quite busy there, and it seems to be a popular place to visit. I think it's good that people are keen to go to the library here - I'm not sure the attitude is the same in England. I think I will go there again. If I get a babysitting or au pere job I will definitely be dragging the children off to find some lovely books.

Mad party

Minttu took me to a really strange party last night. It's held in an abandoned house, by people who want to do something for underground and alternative culture. It's on all weekend, there were a few punk bands playing, and they're screening films and doing various things. Someone told me they're trying to make an agreement with the council so that it can be an official thing, as right now it's underground, and potentially a bit illegal.
We had a lot of fun though. For ages we just sat on the roof drinking beer, and I saw that it still wasn't properly dark at 10.30, which is a bit mad to me. Some guys were skating on the roof, which was maybe not the best idea, but it was fun.
We spent quite a while just walking around this house and talking to people, because there were four or five floors and lots of random rooms. It was huge, and a bit creepy sometimes. A lot of people seemed to be just looking around the building. At one point we ended up smoking in the basement with some random guys, in a room filled with bits of rotting wood and paper, which they were very convinced had a grave in the corner. The weirdest part was that we tried to find this room again later, and couldn't! Spooky stuff. Groups of people were hanging out in various rooms, we found some guy sleeping behind a wardrobe. There were lots of young, different people there, and the atmosphere was really nice and relaxed. They'd even provided food, although this seemed to consist of bread and coffee. Still, it's thoughtful.
It was a really good alternative to going to a bar. We didn't get wasted, we met lots of people, and had a good time. I even had a conversation in Finnish, which never happens because young Finnish people seem to like having a chance to speak English, and therefore forget that I'm the one who might need to develop their language skills. It went well, and I was informed that I speak quite well. Excellent news.
We left around 1am, when things were getting quieter, but as it's going on until Monday we might go back sometime. We had taken the bus to get there, but we walked back and it really didn't take that long. Definitely a good night, and more fun than just going to a bar and drinking. Didn't cost anything either, and it was the kind of thing I think I would do with my friends in London, so that was cool. It would be quite nice if we do go there again.

Happy 6 months anniversary!

Wow. I came to Finland six months ago today. What an exciting, surprising, traumatic, and beautiful six months it's been. It feels so strange, in all this time I've spent only five days in England, and so much has happened and changed.
Six months ago I was unhappy. I'd been ill for several months, and I was in a bad relationship. I came here out of love, and a naive hope that a change of scenery would do us good and save the relationship. It actually had a very different effect. It made me realise the one thing that everyone else already knew - that it wasn't worth saving. My desire to take advantage of new opportunities here, and to not be held back, pushed me to become independent again. So much good has come out of this experience, but if nothing else, that is something to be grateful for. I'm very happy now. I feel like I'm back to being the person I was, and always should have been.
That's obviously the most significant change to my life, but there are others too. I've been living in a new culture for all this time, and that's what has made me happiest. I appreciate my own country more now, and can see it's good points, whereas before I was desperate to get away. I've had to keep an open mind about a lot of things, and I think this kind of experience is very valuable.
I've also met lots of lovely new friends, and I'm sure there are still more to come. I've been given so much kindness and support here, and I'm very lucky to have met a lot of trustworthy, decent people. I wasn't sure how I'd make friends in this place, but I haven't done too badly.
I've found a city that I really like. I think Turku is beautiful, I have a wonderful home here, and I'm so glad that circumstances lead me here, because I doubt I ever would have come here independently. It's quieter than London, but I think I needed that, and much less intimidating than going to a larger foreign city. There's still plenty to keep me occupied, so I think I've hit the right balance for now.
My knowledge of the Finnish language has vastly developed, even if it's still far from fluent. It's a complicated language which takes a long time to master, so I'm quite satisfied with what I've learned so far. When I came here I knew two or three words, now I can have a simple conversation, and say some more complicated sentences. I've learned a lot since coming here.
Six months ago this blog was non-existent. Now it has many readers, a few fans on Facebook, it's allowed me to meet new people, and it keeps growing. It was planned as a way to let my friends in England know what I was up to, but it's become so much bigger than that now. It's been a big surprise.
I've thought about things, and the circumstances in which I came here were all wrong, but I don't think it matters because now things are wonderful. Sometimes I'm sad that I'm not graduating with my friends this summer, and worry that I'll be lonely when I go home, but when I think of all the positive parts of this period of time I'm so glad I'm here, and I think it was worth it. It was an unplanned and plain stupid decision, but it's turned out so well. Sometimes there's a lot to be said for stupidity.

I feel efficient

I've had a busy day so far, but I'm feeling very efficient. I've been to a couple of places in person to ask if they need any staff. I've not had any luck but the lady in one hotel I went to was so lovely, she wrote down the contact details for some work agency she thought might be able to help me, she asked to see pictures of my paintings on my phone, and she talked about the royal wedding a lot. She was so lovely, and very enthusiastic.
I've also made the sign to advertise as an English teacher, kindly helped by Minttu translating for me. Just need to get it printed and put it everywhere.
I've applied for some jobs via email too, and contacted somewhere about selling my paintings. I'm glad that today is turning out to be so productive, and hopefully something will come out of this. As time goes by I'm feeling more anxious about this, but for now I'm still remaining hopeful. I just need a bit of luck I think. I've still got a few more ideas to try out, and I really think that with this much effort I'm bound to find something.
I've also discovered a very effective way to get rid of charity workers in the street - ask if they speak English! They're off like a shot the minute you say that.

Give me money!

I really need a more regular, steady income, plus I'd like something useful to do. I'm planning to advertise in Turku, but as I don't know exactly who reads this blog I'd also like to add something here in case someone is interested.

I'd like to work as a private English/art tutor, for adults or older children. English lessons will be conversation based, but I can also explain definitions and grammatical rules. This would be most suitable for someone who already speaks some English but is hoping to improve their abilities and refine their pronunciation etc, or for someone studying for an English exam.
Art lessons can be based on whatever you want, but please bear in mind that I am a 2-dimensional artist, and therefore cannot help you to carve a beautiful statue of your wife out of granite. I would be best equipped to teach painting, drawing, art theory, and elements of art history. Art lessons would be in English, possibly with some Finnish spoken if necessary, so if you would like to improve your English aswell this could be helpful.

Prices and times are negotiable, and I am also prepared to offer long-distance language tutoring via Skype, as someone suggested that this was a viable option. Please contact me if you are interested.
I am well qualified - English is my native language, and I have had an extensive formal art education in my own country. I am also extremely passionate about this subject and would be happy to share my knowledge.

I would also be prepared to take on private babysitting or cleaning jobs, in Turku only. Children usually like me. I'm a bit Mary Poppins. Again, please contact me if you are interested.

Apart from that, it's snowing again, I have a horrendous cold, my ex boyfriend is harrassing me, this thing has decided it doesn't like paragraphs, and my back hurts. Yet I'm still happy...I'm beginning to think I've got a concussion or something.

Pervs and British things

Continuing with how thorough the Finnish medical profession are, they decided I needed to be swabbed for bacteria because I spent a day in an English hospital last summer. I had to do this twice, and let's just say that some of the swabs were...invasive. As if a very thorough internal examination wasn't enough. I'll leave it at that.
In addition to Kunto magazine, in Anttila yesterday I noticed a magazine, seemingly aimed at tweenieboppers entitled "Fani." It translates as "fan" but I still laughed. But then, I have to stifle a giggle whenever someone in a shop asks me if I want a bag. For English speakers, that's because the Finnish word for bag is a rather unpleasant word you might use as a name for female genitalia...or to refer to your cat.
This week has also been good for finding British products. I was craving cheese toasties, made with proper cheddar, which is hard to come by here. I'd heard that K-Supermarket sells Cathedral City, which I wouldn't normally buy, but I made a special trip anyway. I don't normally shop there but it was so worth it. I finished the whole block in one evening. That's probably not something to be proud of. This week I've also been reading British Glamour, Cosmopolitan and Marie Claire. It's really nice to have those magazines. Wicklund has a surprisingly large selection of foreign magazines, including various British ones. It's been a nice treat to have all this stuff available to me. In England I'm constantly reading magazines, so it's nice to have the chance to do that here. Especially as I'm madly stressed from losing both my keys and glasses, and having so many obstacles come up that the Kela stuff still hasn't been dealt with. I feel completely useless this week but I really hope to start getting my shit together from now on. My problem is that I let other people get in the way of what I'm doing, and don't prioritise myself enough. I've really learned that recently, and it has to stop. I need to start working harder on getting what I want and need, even if other people don't want me to.
It feels like there's not enough hours in the day, which is hardly a surprise when someone else promises to help you and then insists on making you watch tv with them all day, ignoring your pleas to go outside and get stuff done. I can't let anyone hold me back or drag me down for a day longer. I'm fed up with promises that don't quite stick, and my time being wasted as a result. From now on I'm sticking with the people who genuinely will help me, not put their desire to stay in bed over my need to get stuff done.

The Finnish language

The language classes are going well enough, I feel a bit more comfortable in that scenario now. I am very annoyed that I was obliged to buy this textbook, which is the standard kind of thing anyone learns languages in school with ie. 3:1 ratio of pictures to words, about 100 pages long...for 35 fucking euros! What the bloody hell. Once I recovered from the minor heart attack I had in the bookshop I was ready to pay for it. How they can justify that is beyond me, especially when the course itself cost about 60 euros. Thankfully, Suski very kindly paid for that as a christmas present, so this was my only expense, but I think it's about 20 euros overpriced.
I think I'm keeping up quite well in the class, especially considering that a fair few people in the class have lived in Finland for years and/or already taken a Finnish language course before now. Last week I was chatting to a Hungarian lady from the class whilst I walked home; she asked when I had come to this country, and when I said October she kept saying what a short time it was, and how she remembered what it was like when she first arrived! Two years ago...
Some people mentioned that they had done whole degrees in Finnish universities, and are now taking this class. That was probably a case of "do something educational or get the hell out of Finland." I just wonder why on earth they have lived here for years but not attempted to learn the language of this country until now - I actually consider it to be quite disrespectful. With this is mind, I guess it shouldn't be much of a surprise that other people sometimes seem to know random bits of vocabulary that I've never even heard of.
Our teacher has a strategy of cheekily sneaking in bits of grammar, and that's my downfall. Even when I learnt languages in school I always really enjoyed learning new words but the grammar is quite boring for me, so it doesn't always sink in. Furthermore, Finnish grammar is ridiculously complicated, and I really don't know how I'm going to remember the rules. I don't even remember the names of the rules! One of them sounds a bit like party-tv, so everytime that gets mentioned I start thinking about parties, and that's probably not supposed to happen.
The teacher still seems to think I'm only pretending to be English...she's still asking where my name comes from, and earlier started suddenly asking lots of questions about British culture, possibly in an attempt to prove that I'm an illegal immigrant. She failed. Ha. After that a very nice Italian man asked me if Cornwall was in Wales...Bless.
We're still on quite a basic level. Today we looked at some examples of dialogues when out shopping. When I looked at the page I managed to work out what most of the conversation said, using words that I already knew, and some common sense, so I can't be doing that badly. I probably just need some practice and confidence, and to remember how to structure sentences. Then, once my vocabulary has improved I should be able to attempt conversations. I could definitely do the "what is your name, where are you from..." kinda thing, but we'll have to wait before I can tackle anything more advanced. I think I've set myself quite a challenge, and I hope I'm up to it.

Also...what in God's name is going on on the cover of that book? What are they up to? Anyone?

A strange thing I learned yesterday

Finnish people find the word "pardon" hilarious! I'm quite sure that's a very normal thing to say if you mishear someone, but when I said it Suski giggled hysterically and refused to accept that real people actually said it. Sometimes Finland really makes no sense to me.

Hahaha

Just discovered this magazine...

First language class

Today, on the second attempt I managed to get to my language class successfully. I was extremely nervous but everything went fine. The teacher is great, and spent a long time trying to guess which country I came from because my strange name was confusing her. She was very surprised that I'm English. I'd guess that most people in the class are older than me, but everyone seems very encouraging towards each other, helping each other to get the answers, and the class has a nice atmosphere.
Luckily I was able to keep up with everyone else quite well, despite missing all of the classes last week. I wasn't the only person who joined today, and that made me feel better. I was a bit scared when the teaching method turned out to be asking different people questions in front of everyone, and I was included just the same as everyone else. I managed to answer everything, and understood things most of the time, so I'm glad I'm not very far behind the rest of the group. Today was mainly about numbers, most of which I already knew anyway, so I coped well.
I was really anxious about going there today, but there was no need because the class was quite relaxed. I'm hopeful that this will help me out and make me more confident. I'm glad I'm doing it.
Currently I'm drinking Lämmin Kuppi Strawberry and Vanilla soup. Is it soup, juice or tea? I was very sceptical about sweet soup, but I'm rather enjoying it now. It's nice to have something warm and comforting after coming inside from cold, sludgy weather.
Finally, as of Saturday, Turku is the European capital of culture for 2011. Very exciting. Suski and I meant to go to the opening show, but we spent too long getting ready and then missed the whole thing. It's quite cool though, because there will hopefully be some special art events going on throughout the year, which would be really interesting for me to see, and really make this year even better for me.
http://www.turku2011.fi/

I suck at going to language classes

I've enrolled on a language course. I should have started tonight. The place where I thought the class was really wasn't it. After wandering around feeling very confused and useless for a while, and being directed to the information desk, which very helpfully shut at 3pm, 5 hours before everything else, I found a sign with the correct information for my class. Seeing as the address meant nothing to me I guess tonight is a write-off. It's quite stupid that of the three classes for this course, only one is in that place, which I believe to be their main building, but they didn't think it was worth mentioning where the other classes were.
The classes are every Monday, Tuesday and Thursday; they started this week and now I'm really scared that when I do get there everyone else will be jibjabbing away in amazing Finnish, whilst I sit there saying "Minä olen Englantilainen" over and over again and banging my head against the wall. There's apparently a textbook I need too - maybe if I buy it at the weekend and read the whole thing before Monday I'll stand a fighting chance.
So right now the työväenopisto is not my favourite thing. Not only for completely failing to mention at any time where this class is but for the fact all their correspondence to me and their website is in Finnish. If I understood all of that I wouldn't have signed up for "Finnish for Foreigners" would I? Wankers.

This is the happiest day of my life!

Today has been insane! I was woken up by Emma telling me "I'm sorry, you have to get up now, you have a job." So I thought, what the fuck? Our friend Suski works for a company that buys and sells stamps to stamp collectors, and her boss had asked if she knew anyone who could help out around the office, doing stuff like filing and putting things into envelopes. Thankfully, she thought of me, and language wasn't an issue.
So Emma and I walked over there, and in I went. Obviously, on the first day in any job you have to have an embarrassing moment, and here's mine: I met the boss, whose name is Tatu, and when I was introduced to him he just said "Tatu." At first I thought he was speaking to me in Finnish, then I thought he was talking about tattoos. Eventually he said "That's my name." I apologised, but thankfully Finnish people always think the language barriers are their fault.
We had a chat for a while, and it became apparent that that guy fucking loves stamps! On a slightly insane level. Then it gets better.
He said "I have an idea, and I think you're the only person who can help with that." So my immediate thought was, oh shit... Then he asked me to teach him English! Which is a coincidence, as I'd placed adverts online earlier in the week as an English or art tutor. He asked how much money I would expect for doing that, and I hadn't really considered that. I suggested he could help me with my Finnish in exchange for me helping with his English, and his response was "Yes I'll do that, but I also want to pay you." So I'm not arguing with that. Now, I'm working in the office for €9/hour, and teaching him English most mornings for €10/hour. How ironic that the shittiest job I've ever had is also the most highly paid.
After about an hour of chat I was put to work, and all I had to do was fold invoices in half, put them in an envelope, seal said envelope. And they're paying me a shitload to do a monkey's job. I don't really see how I can fuck up such a simple task. This cannot possibly go wrong! (Famous last words...)
The work might not be that regular, because I'm only there to help out with general, slightly shitty jobs, and he said that if things aren't very busy I might not need to work. That's ok though, because I'd like some time to do my own things rather than having to work constantly. I'm going back tomorrow at 8am to teach him English for an hour, then do the office work for the rest of the morning. On Monday it's Finnish Independence Day, so there's no work for anyone, but next Tuesday I only have to teach for an hour, then on Wednesday to Friday I'm working full days. This is pretty sweet. I'm very proud, even if my work is very modest, at least I'm working and contributing like a normal person, and I'll also be able to have a social security number, which as you all know will solve a lot of problems for me.
After work Suski and her boyfriend took me for a drink to celebrate, so today worked out very nicely for me. I have Suski to thank, because whilst she was arranging work for me I was fast asleep. I haven't worked for this at all.

She also showed me a picture of a pre-prepared salad she's been eating recently - the brand name is...Tamsin! It's available in Siwa. I apparently taste delicious and crunchy. I guarantee that the jokes about eating me are never, ever going to get old.
So I hope tomorrow will be just as good and that the teaching will go well. I'm really really happy.

Damn the doctors

As predicted, the trip to the doctor was an experience. I didn't even get as far as the doctor. Just an elderly assistant with a very limited knowledge of English - thank god Emma was around to translate, if I'd been alone I'd have been screwed. Even when she asked for my date of birth Emma had to translate the month and year for her. Even the names of the medication were a problem, because although the name is the same it's pronounced differently - in Finnish "y" is generally pronounced as "oo".
The EHIC card actually is useless here, but the assistant also claims there's not enough time to treat the Finnish patients, let alone the dirty immigrant skanks. She probably didn't use those exact words but whatever. Again they had to check we were in the correct place, and didn't seem to have a clue, no one seems to know what's going on.
As things were so awkward, her only suggestion was to ask my doctor in England to contact a pharmacy in the area and arrange to send a prescription for me directly to them. When we got home Emma called the chemist to find out if this would be acceptable, and they said no. Because my doctor has no license to practice in Finland his prescription would not be legal here, plus they've probably never even seen a British NHS prescription, so how could they possibly know if it was genuine? Someone could have knocked it up on a computer for all they know. I think it's completely understandable from their perspective, even if it's annoying for me. To be honest I'm feeling ok so maybe it's not that important to get the proper medication after all, and I don't think I really need to be taking the contraceptive pill right now...
But really, communication within the health service here seems to be shocking, and none of the staff seem to know what's going on. I cannot possibly be the only person in this country who's ever needed medical attention and didn't have social security, and I'm quite shocked that the provisions for such people are so pathetic. For now I'm not worrying too much, and I guess if things get too bad I can go to the emergency department and cause a big old scene. At least I don't have a problem like diabetes for example, where going without medication could be a disaster. Have I really found a health service worse than the NHS?
I'm still applying for jobs and advertising myself:http://www.finlandforum.org/viewtopic.php?f=37&t=49813 and http://www.finlandforum.org/viewtopic.php?f=37&t=49812
Bloody Finns don't seem to be taking the bait though. Although there is an Irish pub here and the majority of bar staff are English, so tonight we're going there because it could be a real option for me. I've been there once for a drink and it was quite nice, they even show the Premier League matches! So let's hope for the best, because if I'm working I'll get social security and Finland will treat me like a real person.
Finally, today it's only 0 degrees, and I really was comfortable in that, I must be adapting. On the day I arrived Jussi and I went to get food in market square at 2am, it was the same temperature and I was freaking out. I think when I go back to England and everyone else is in winter coats I'll probably be skipping around in flip flops. I'm very glad the temperature has increased and that I'm more comfortable, last week it was getting extremely painful for me to be outside.

Complicated times

I just got home from the employment agency office, and they can't really help me because I still don't have a social security number. But when I went to the police station to apply for such a thing, the douchey woman was rude and unhelpful and basically told me to sit here for 3 months and then I can have one automatically. Without social security the employment people can't enrol me on a language course and can't give me immigration benefits.
The woman I was seeing today did try to help, she suggested cleaning jobs and Nokia, who apparently have an English speaking production line. Shame it's 31 miles away... She gave me a list of language schools too, which ironically, was entirely in Finnish. She said I could get started with something there until social security is dealt with.
The language course they provide is apparently 6 hours a day, Monday to Friday. That would make me feel a bit like a schoolgirl, but I need something to do, and need to study for 20 hours per week in order to claim benefits. It's been a bit boring for me since Jussi started work, with no one to talk to and no one to take me to new places.
I'm sure I'll work something out, it just seems overly complicated in comparison to Jussi's experience in London. I wish I spoke better Finnish. I hope the courses don't cost money, but that seems very unlikely. Jumalautta!
In other news, the snow melted overnight. I was a bit disappointed when I looked out of the window this morning. There are still some icy blocks, plenty of sludge too. It doesn't look so pretty anymore, but at least it's not so cold. Last night the sky was orange, it was neither dark nor light, and it was very strange. At first Jussi thought it might be a Northern Lights phenomenon, because sometimes you can see them from here, but then he concluded it was caused by the snow and the street lights. It's definitely too warm for snow today. I say warm, it's 5 degrees.
Maybe tomorrow I'll visit the Turku art gallery. I should do something nice to take my mind off all this annoying stuff. The past few days have been a complete headfuck.

Project man up

We can safely say that Project man up is completed. Yesterday I went back to the park Jussi had taken me to in order to sketch and just relax. It was really quiet and calm, and again, it looked so pretty because of the leaves and trees everywhere. I did some sketches, photos of which are above this. My only problem was that it was so frigging cold. Sketching in Finland isn't always that easy, I was shaking as I was sitting there. When I had finished and was walking back to Market Square I was shivering the whole time. I really don't understand how people here cope with that.
Then it gets better. I needed to go the supermarket, which I did, alone and in Finnish. Then I went for a drink. Alone. I'd never do that in England but I think it's more acceptable here, I was one of many. Also a group of people were getting their drink on pretty heavily at 2pm. But anyway, that was all done in Finnish too, and I was also speaking Finnish when I went to a kioski on the way home to buy cigarettes. I was fine, and I've definitely worked out my way around some of the area. A week ago I really didn't think I could do all that, so I'm satisfied.
When I got home Jussi and I got pizza. Avoiding it didn't last long, but at least this was a proper pizza. I have to say Finnish pizza is disgusting. There were green olives, not black, far too many herbs, there was no dip, and they didn't even cut the bloody thing! Wtf? This was apparently the best pizza place here. Give me Dominos any day. Plus there was an annoying teenager there, who'd clearly dressed up as Axl Rose for the day, who could not stop turning around and staring every time I spoke (in English) to Jussi. When I said thank you to the guy at the counter in Finnish he had another good stare. Fuck off Axl Rose kid, you're a douche.
In the evening we went to Emma and Tommi's house to play some strange Finnish game that I didn't quite understand. But it was nice, and later we went to a couple of bars.
Unfortunately, in one of them, I was the target of some delightful racism. Some drunk guy in the smoking room started talking shit at me for speaking English to Jussi. I have enough stress and difficulty at the moment without that kind of thing, plus I was a bit drunk, so I shouted "I come to your fucking country and try my best to speak your ridiculous language and be polite here, but that's still not good enough for some people", and stomping back to the bar. On my way, and English man who'd been there with his Finnish partner, patted me on the back and said "Well said love". The English are rising up. I really don't need that kind of shit here. Most people are nice, I chatted to two random people yesterday who were very cheerful meeting me. It's just unecessary shit.
Apart from that, yesterday was a nice day. Today has mainly been spent sleeping, as I think we went to bed around 4.45am. Also, I had quite a hangover, not quite on Phil Collins level, but still not that nice. Apparently we're going to meet Emma and Tommi again in a couple of hours, I hope I can survive this much Finnish drinking.

Man up day

Man up day didn't go exactly to plan. Sketching in the park fell through because I've managed to lose my keys. They're somewhere in this damn flat...
However, in the afternoon Jussi asked me to go to a kioski to get us some cigarettes. And I went, without complaining or begging him to go with me. I asked the lady in Finnish, and my only problem was having to ask her to repeat something in English, which turned out to be her asking me for ID, and the world did not cave down around me. Incidentally, this is the only foreign country I've ever been IDed in.
Even better than that, when we went to the supermarket this evening I got through the whole thing in Finnish, including correctly answering two bonus questions at the till! I guessed when she asked if Jussi and I were sharing a bag, and when she asked something else, which turned out to be asking if I had a loyalty card, I just repeated Jussi's previous answer, which was no. And I was right, I really don't have a loyalty card! Also the fruit machine thing is so extreme that even Jussi has started using one. He won a euro tonight. I also saw some in a department store yesterday, right next to the ladies clothes. What is Finland doing?
I realised, too, that I do know some places here, even if it's not much. There are definitely a few places I could get to on my own if necessary. Maybe yesterday was just a bad day and I was being negative, because today I feel better. And I've proved to myself that I can cope with buying something without needing Jussi to help. I think I need to be a bit more confident and stop panicking, because I managed fine today. I can get to the park, the art gallery, and market square, where the shops are, and I can manage to buy things. If I need to I can use English, it's just that I'd rather try to use Finnish as much as possible. I shouldn't act like speaking English in public is the end of the world.
Tomorrow it's a week since I came here. Maybe it'll finally start to sink in that this is where I live now. It's still so new, it feels like a holiday.

Urgh...

This is the Market Square in Turku. It's 30 seconds walk from our house, so this is the only place I'm all that familiar with. It's pretty much the center of Turku, where most of the shops are, including Stockmann, the big department store. We're really lucky to be so central. At the opposite end of our road is a big park and the art gallery of Turku, which apparently has the second most valuable collection in Finland. I can't wait to go there.

After several days of eating pretty much nothing except frozen pizzas, due to our complete lack of cooking utensils, I insisted we buy a frying pan or saucepan. So I've just eaten a huge stir fry, and you have no idea how awesome that is when you're faced with so much pizza. I never want pizza again.
Today we finally got round to trying to set up benefits. Although I really didn't get far because I need to go to the police and another agency to register for a social security number before I'm entitled to benefits. They made me an appointment for 2 weeks time, when I should get my language course arrange and hopefully get some money.
It's been a bit shit today. I feel so confused all the time, I barely know my way around, I don't understand anything. It freaks me out. The cost and effort of getting here is what puts me off leaving. I like our home, and I do like Turku very much - it's like a smaller, quieter Helsinki, but there's still plenty happening. This is an adventure, and I know there's bound to be ups and downs, but today is definitely a down day. I just don't feel good. Maybe I'm just fed up with feeling stupid and scared and confused. It's inevitable that I feel like that, but it's hard when you're used to being able to read street signs and buy things in the shop without being compeltely lost the whole time. I don't feel very confident here. Maybe I should be trying harder, or worrying less, or something.
On some days I feel really great here, and I'm becoming more comfortable here. On days like today I feel like this is impossible to get through. I have no desire to go back to England, but I'm lost a lot of the time. It's a shame my appointment is in 2 weeks; it means I can't get started on the lanaguge course as quickly as I'd like to.
I guess there's a lot to take in here - everything is new, even the language, the food, the way the traffic lights work...it's a lot to get my head around. These feelings are probably normal in my position, but that still doesn't make it very pleasant.

Very good Saturday

I've had a really good day, and I've started to feel a bit more comfortable. I can now buy cigarettes in Finnish (valkoinen Marlboro). I'm learning new things to say every day at the moment. We've also done lots of nice things today. We met Jussi's sister, Saara, and her husband for lunch. I've met them both before and they're really nice. We went to an Italian restaurant near their house, which Jussi says is his favourite. It was quite nice, the pizza I had was huge but really good. After that we picked up some more of Jussi's belongings from their flat, then they came with us so Saara's husband could see our home.
When they left we just hung out here, then at 11pm we met Jussi's friends Emma and Tommi for a few drinks. Apparently we're also having dinner with them tomorrow. It's nice to see more places in the city, and to be getting a social life here. All of this despite having a huge hangover from last night. Oh my god. If you've ever watched Pasila you'll understand a Phil Collins hangover.
Also I'm staying up really late because I'm still 2 hours behind. It's 2.38am now, but I feel like it's 38 minutes past midnight. Last night I only had 4 hours sleep. The plan is to get healthier and happier here, so I really should start eating and sleeping properly. Although tonight Jussi and I shared some Finnish potato wedges that I bought the other day. They were really good, they tasted like the McCains ones. I'm starting to adapt, and I'm trying my best to speak Finnish when I can. My friends in England have all been really supportive and encouraging, I feel like I can manage here.

Yksi olut, kiitos

I've been out tonight and ordered all of my drinks in Finnish! Which is definitely an achievement. I fooled 5 bar staff. By the way, the title of this post is "One beer please..." That's how Finnish I am.
Maybe this is just a drunken bad mood rant but I'm gonna do it anyway...
This sounds retarded, especially as I've wanted to move abroad since I was a teenager, but everything here is so foreign! I know that's obvious, but I'm having such a hard time because I don't understand shop signs, products in the supermarket or the language generally. Even the doors have strange locks on them that confuse me, and the traffic being on the wrong side confuses me too. Also many Finnish people seem to have a lovely habit of continuing to speak to me in Finnish, even when I've made it clear that I don't understand. It's not that they can't speak English, they just don't want to. After all, this is apparently quite a racist country. Jussi told me earlier that even though my spoken Finnish has an obvious foreign accent it's very fortunate that that accent is not Russian. I have no problem with Russians but the Finns certainly do.
I'm just a bit upset. It's early days and everything's brand new, so I probably shouldn't give up all hope just yet Also Jussi isn't being very sensitive to the fact that I'm confused, scared and disorientated. I think he's trying to encourage me to do things for myself, and therefore learn, but I just don't have the confidence yet.
This is a nice city, and I don't want to quit, but right now it feels very tempting. It's not that anyone's rude to me, I just feel freaked out all the time when I'm in public. I almost had an orgasm earlier when I manged to cross the road by myself! I really do want to learn Finnish too. It's always pissed me off when people come to England and make no effort to speak our language, so I really have no right to come here and not make an effort to speak their langauge. My Finnish is very limited so far, and I don't know how to write anything, only speak, but I'm proud that I'm trying, especially as it's a very complicated language.
I hope I'll feel better. I only got here 27 hours ago so I guess it's fair that I'm confused. I just feel so stupid and incompetent all the time. I don't want to give up and go home but I'm certainly tempted.