So this is "normal"

I've had a brilliant week. I'm so happy that I've got this new job, not only from a financial point of view, but also that I now have some structure and routine in my life. Being unemployed for a long time is extremely boring. It's so nice to get up first thing in the morning, and have a purpose for the day. This was exactly what I needed.
I'm really enjoying the work - the family are all very nice, and the children are generally well behaved. I feel welcome in their home, and I don't have to do anything too extreme or taxing. It has been quite tiring this week, but I suppose it's a shock to my system to have to be up early and do lots of things after such a long time spent being idle. It's just a shame that this job, or something similar, never came up before now, as it's so perfect for me. I actually have all of the next week off because the children are going for a holiday, which is a bit disappointing as I'd like to be doing something. At least now I have a bit of money so I can actually do something nice, not just sit around at home.
Another nice thing about my work is that it's in the countryside, which is so different to what there is in my country, and it's quite a good experience to see this. I'm not really a countryside person, but it's interesting to see somewhere so different to Turku, and to have a change of scenery for a few hours each day. The downside is that I'm covered in insect bites as the weather has been extremely hot this week and bugs are everywhere.
On Thursday this week I went to visit Emma's sister at her home. She and her family live in Hirvensalo, which is an island connected to Turku by a bridge. I'd never been there before, but it's a very pretty area, which lots of trees and greenery. I doubt I'd choose to live there, but it was a nice place to visit, and it must be good for children living there as there's so much space. Hirvensalo is very suburban, whereas I'd much rather be in the city. I had a very nice dinner with them, and saw their home, which is lovely. It was nice to do something different and meet someone new.
On Friday Emmi and I went to see the medieval market that's being held in Turku this weekend. Unfortunately, that was the one time there was a heavy downpour of rain, and we got soaked. It's so hot that we dried off relatively quickly. We didn't buy anything, but there were lots of pretty craft items for sale, and it was good to see people dressed in costumes from the middle ages. We also saw a large hog roast, which didn't impress me much, being a vegetarian. I'm glad we went to have a look; it's a pretty big deal here and attracted a lot of attention. Many people had mentioned it to me and recommended it, so it was worth having a look.
I hope the next week will be equally enjoyable, and that I find something interesting to occupy myself. As I now have a travel card for buses, paid for by my employers, perhaps I can take a trip to Naantali or somewhere else nearby.
Plus it's my birthday in two weeks! All gifts and cash donations will be accepted, haha.

My moment of linguistic genius

Earlier I looked something up in the textbook I had for the Finnish course I went to, and then decided to look through it a bit more. Unfortunately whilst I was going to that course I was in the middle of breaking up with my ex, and lost the confidence to keep going, which I still think is a real shame. Since then I've been picking things up in a more casual way, but today I was compelled to have a look through the book some more and see if I could make some use of it. After all, it was fairly expensive to buy, so it's much better to still use it, even if it's on my own. Other people have told me that I speak more, and better, Finnish than they would have expected, so I think I should keep developing that.
Anyway, I came to a section with a few paragraphs describing a fictional Finnish family, and was amazed to discover that, as I read through it, I understood most of what was there! Not every single word, but I definitely got the gist of it. Plus, using what I already knew and had heard in the past, I managed to work out some of the new words and sentences! I feel like I have accomplished something good today, and now I'm much more inspired to keep using the book. It's hard to use the pages on grammar by myself, as the book doesn't contain any english text or explanations, but I can definitely use it to extend my vocabulary and look up thing like how to ask questions.
Added to that, the daycare finally contacted me regarding my wages! I was asked again for my bank details, but the email included a wage slip with tax information. How they managed to get the tax card but not the bank account number, which was definitely in the same envelope, is beyond me, but who cares! Hopefully I'll get my money tomorrow and can buy some decent food. A diet of noodles and toast is getting depressing now. Also, once I have the money I'm going to call the council about selling paintings in kauppatori. I'm really excited about doing that; I think it's a really good opportunity. Today has actually turned out to be a rather successful day.

Remember to relax

Lots of things have happened today to get me stressed and pissed off. I really overspent at the weekend, and I'm not very proud of myself. It looks like my rent will be paid in installments this month. However, if the pre-school I had an interview at could be bothered to pay me for my time, as they promised, it would likely solve the problem. The lesson we've learned this weekeend is that drunk people shouldn't be allowed to pay with cards or withdraw money. Bad things will happen.
Despite all that, I had quite a relaxing few hours sitting by the river tonight. It was very hot today, and lots of people were walking around; I felt very connected to Turku for some reason.
Another lovely thing is that the benches by the river, near to the library, have special Capital of Culture Marimekko designed cushions. There are lots of street art things around the river area, such as balloons with ships on them in the trees, and giant ducks in the river. I'm so irritated that my iPhone charger is broken so I can't take any pcitures. If I wasn't a big drunken fool I could have bought a new one already...

Yesterday

My job interview was a success! Which is especially impressive as the person I was meant to cover for turned out to be the class teacher, not an assistant as I had assumed. I walked in, was put in front of a group of five year olds and told to teach them! It went ok though, and the girl acting as an assistant, who was a student on a work placement, asked how long I'd been working with children and didn't believe that I'd never done it before. Maybe this runs in the family or something. My mother was overjoyed to hear about this, although I don't think I want a teaching career.
Unfortunately, the job doesn't start until August, so even if they offer it to me I will be unable to take it. I've always intended to leave in September, plus I need a job right now. If it was starting next week or next month it would be perfect, and I would jump at the chance. I'm actually pretty disappointed because it seemed like a really nice place to work, and it appears that I'd also be good at the job. They are paying me for my work yesterday morning, which I'm very pleased about, it's definitely very welcome. I guess I deserve it because they basically used me as a substitute teacher.
For the rest of the day I just hung out at my friend's house and then with my flatmates. I was in a bit of a bad mood about the job. We watched ice hockey and the Eurovision semi-finals, and I'd like to remind everyone to vote for Finland. If you live in Finland vote for the UK!

The joys of jobhunting

My father tried to convince me to go home...with money. I'd rather be happy than rich though. I've applied for lots of jobs and written to different places asking if they need anyone, and I think something will come up, even if it's not the ideal job. Last night I was a bit miserable and my amazing friend Emma in London found lots of links to au pair jobs for me, so I applied to several of those. One family specifically wanted an artistic English girl, but unfortunately they'd wanted one in January. I wish I was as efficient as Emma is, she seems very good at finding these things, even though she's in another country. If all else fails, a family in Switzerland has already emailed me asking me to move to Zurich and look after their kids. Switzerland has always seemed like a very nice country, very peaceful, never gets into fights and minds it's own business.
I also purchased a showcase spot on Etsy, meaning they shove photos of my work in everyone's faces for a small fee, and hopefully that'll increase sales there. Unless I sell the two massive paintings, costing over €100 each due to their size, I'm not going to make a significant amount of money, but something extra wouldn't be anything to complain about.
Today I'm planning to finally write signs advertising my services as a teacher or babysitter, which can be put up in my building and the supermarket etc. As this building mainly seems to house families I'm hopeful that it could lead to some childcare work. I'd most like some private art tutoring work but I don't know how many people would want to have that.
I know I'm putting in enough effort to find a job, I'm looking into everything I can think of, so something ought to come up. I still have a couple of weeks before I really start shitting myself over this, so I'll just have to keep going. Emma, in her wisdom, advised me to just get out there as much as possible and go through every option I can, and that sounds like very good advice to me. I'll get there, one way or another.

The beginning of the end

Kela won't help me. Unless I find a job in the next few weeks I think it's all over. I'll do any work, I don't care. The idea of going home is hell. It's the last thing I want. I have a nice place to live, I have good friends, and I like things just the way they are. Going back to live with my parents would be the biggest anti-climax I could imagine, it's so unpleasant to me that I can scarcely accept it. It's not them, it's the fact that I've been independent for almost four years and I hate the city they live in. I'd do anything to avoid it.
I've applied to the tourist place, and to a souvenir shop near to my house, other people are trying to come up with ideas for me, and I'm willing to do just about anything. I don't need the best paid job on the planet, just enough to pay my rent and keep me where I want to be. I'm in a constant state of panic right now. I'll take any bullshit cleaning job, looking after kids, wiping an incontinent old woman's arse - it really doesn't matter. Selling paintings doesn't make enough money; I get some extra cash out of it but I can't pay my rent with it. If anyone knows of any solid opportunities, please tell me. I'm pretty desperate right now. I can't cope with the idea of leaving.

Successful week so far

I've amazed myself with my own productivity in the past couple of days. I seem to have found a sudden spurt of energy and motivation. I've been a bit lethargic recently so maybe I'm getting over the hump.
I went to my appointment at the employment agency, and that all went fine. I've got a few more ideas of possible work options to look into, so I'm feeling more positive about that. Posti and Maistraati have also both confirmed my change of address, although apparently that's only been registered as a postal address, not a permanent address. I don't understand why, and don't quite understand how the hell you do get a permanent address, short of marrying a Finnish person. I suspect that this is the thing where I'm required to pay €47 at the police station, which I really didn't want to do, and still think is rather unfair. I'm a bit worried that's going to affect things with Kela, so perhaps tomorrow I need to find out what's going on with this. I really need the Kela thing to come through, otherwise I have a huge problem. I guess that paying that money isn't so terrible in the grand scheme of things if it means I'll get my rent paid and ensure me a stable place to live. It seems rather unjust, but if this is the difference between being safe and being homeless I'll have to do it.
I wish all this stuff had come to my attention months ago, or at least that I had been more efficient. I really think someone should compile a step by step guide to what an immigrant needs to do to get their stuff sorted here - I've been here for five months and it just gets more and more complicated. Although if I didn't need something from Kela I wouldn't be dealing with all of this at all, but I didn't even know I was required to apply to be covered by them until I went there for help.
Are things like this in every country? At least if I choose to come back to Finland in the future I'll be much better prepared.

Looking for a job

Yesterday I felt so ill that I didn't go to the employment agency, but I've been there now as I'm much better today. I have an appointment for Tuesday to get some help looking for work; their website is quite useless for me as the whole thing is available in English, except the job search. I'm a bit more optimistic now. I did have an alternative plan to get enough money to pay my rent, but that backfired. It probably would have caused more trouble though, so maybe that's a good thing. My landlady seems to be quite chilled out, so I hope that if I explain that I'm waiting to hear about benefits she'll be understanding.
The lady there also told me that when Kela have processed my application to be covered by them I can apply for unemployment benefits, which I hadn't thought of, I'd only considered the housing benefits. Technically that application should be acceptable, and I will hopefully get a letter about that next week. I wish I'd applied for all of this months ago, but as I said previously, no one tells you you need to do all this stuff, there's not enough information explaining what te necessary procedures are. Even Finnish people can't tell you that you should do all these things because they don't know either, none of this has ever applied to them so they've never had to find out.
Still a bit paranoid about what the outcome will be, hence why I'm looking for a job more actively than before. They were unable to help me in October because I didn't have a social security number at that stage, but as I do now it should be more successful. I wish I'd thought of going there before. I'd rather work than just live on benefits, but if that's how my rent will get paid I'll put up with it. I feel a bit calmer now, having done something to help my situation. I'm really worried about my rent, because all of these applications take time, but I hope that other people will be understanding. If all else fails I'll take advantage of the integration law, although, again, I'd prefer to have a job of some kind.

Worrying again

So social services effectively told me to fuck myself...because apparently when I split up with my boyfriend I should have had money to live on...which I did, briefly, but that happened a while ago and is not really the case anymore. I'm not even asking for them to support me completely, I only want help with my rent. We went to see them just in case Kela were difficult, but Kela is looking to be the more likely option. They've told me that everything seems to be in order, and I know logically that I've given them all the necessary information and that there isn't really a reason why they shouldn't assist me, but how many other times have I been told something by the authorities here which didn't quite pan out? I have a horrible suspicion that something will crop up to ruin everything, and that really upsets me.
Now I'm waiting for Kela's decision about me, but before deciding on whether to pay housing benefits they need to decide whether I should be covered by Finnish social security. I'm quite sure I should, as I have a valid social security number, and have worked and paid taxes in this country, and they said those were the requirements. Now they have a copy of my work contract, so they know that for a fact.
I had a bit of a wobble earlier, and my emergency plan consisted of crying a lot. Now I've thought of a couple of alternative options. Tomorrow I'm going to the employment agency, who should be able to help me properly now, to see if they can hook me up with some suitable jobs. I have no idea why I didn't do that before, seeing as it's blindingly obvious, but it's definitely worth trying. Last night I also contacted a family in Turku who are seeking an English speaking au pere for three months. If that worked out it would be absolutely ideal. In the worst case scenario the employment people can sort me out under the integration law, which basically means they'll give me enough money to live on if I attend a language school for 6 hours a day, 5 days a week. This was suggested when I first arrived but I was not eligible at that time. That's not ideal for me; I'd feel like a schoolgirl, and I'd prefer to work and be a bit more productive, but if it comes to it I'd accept that.
What's really annoying me now is that when I got my social security number everyone told me that would give me the same rights as a Finnish person, and that basically I would be considered as a Finnish citizen, and it's just not true. Having the number or paying taxes here doesn't matter, they will still withhold help because I was born in a different country. That must be the only reason - I have everything in order, I have a valid number, I have worked here and am willing to continue doing so, but I'm still struggling to get help when I need it. I'm pretty sure that if I had a Finnish passport this would not happen. Emmi pointed out the injustice that some people just show up here, hold out their hands and get everything, whereas I have contributed, and would gladly continue to do so, but consistently get rejected. I know this happens in other countries too, including mine, and that there are probably many native Finnish people who find themselves with the same problems as me, just like native British people who don't get support when they need it. Sometimes I really wonder what I'm doing here. I want to stay, but sometimes it's a complete joke. I've been lucky so far - when things have been going wrong something has come up to rescue me for a little while longer - and I hope my luck doesn't run out now.

Give me money!

I really need a more regular, steady income, plus I'd like something useful to do. I'm planning to advertise in Turku, but as I don't know exactly who reads this blog I'd also like to add something here in case someone is interested.

I'd like to work as a private English/art tutor, for adults or older children. English lessons will be conversation based, but I can also explain definitions and grammatical rules. This would be most suitable for someone who already speaks some English but is hoping to improve their abilities and refine their pronunciation etc, or for someone studying for an English exam.
Art lessons can be based on whatever you want, but please bear in mind that I am a 2-dimensional artist, and therefore cannot help you to carve a beautiful statue of your wife out of granite. I would be best equipped to teach painting, drawing, art theory, and elements of art history. Art lessons would be in English, possibly with some Finnish spoken if necessary, so if you would like to improve your English aswell this could be helpful.

Prices and times are negotiable, and I am also prepared to offer long-distance language tutoring via Skype, as someone suggested that this was a viable option. Please contact me if you are interested.
I am well qualified - English is my native language, and I have had an extensive formal art education in my own country. I am also extremely passionate about this subject and would be happy to share my knowledge.

I would also be prepared to take on private babysitting or cleaning jobs, in Turku only. Children usually like me. I'm a bit Mary Poppins. Again, please contact me if you are interested.

Apart from that, it's snowing again, I have a horrendous cold, my ex boyfriend is harrassing me, this thing has decided it doesn't like paragraphs, and my back hurts. Yet I'm still happy...I'm beginning to think I've got a concussion or something.

Kela got complicated

I was warned. They sent me a letter, very thoughtfully written in English, to tell me that I apparently don't have an address here! I should go to Maistraati to register an address. Hopefully, they will not direct me again to the police station, where I will be asked for €47 to register as a resident of Finland. I simply don't have €47 to chuck around like that! Emmi told me that when a Finnish person moves they go to Maistraati to change the information, so maybe that's the only thing there, and it just got a bit confused last time. I hope this is the case because €47 is a lot of money for me, and it's a bit unfair as I'm from an EU country, and therefore have a right to be here.
The other problem is that I can't find my old work contract, and was never even given a pay slip. I hope that calling the stamp shop for confirmation that I worked there is sufficient. Things are back to going in circles. What else did I expect?
More and more I'm wondering how on earth people emigrate without some kind of support network. I'm so lucky to have various people here who help me with these things, and I'm wondering how other people without that manage. Obviously it's entirely possible because millions of people emigrate, but I have no idea how they manage. There's no resource that tells you all the stuff you need to do and all the information you need to know, and especially when foreign languages are involved it tends to get a bit mixed up. I think that's one of the reasons why things have gone round in circles so much.

A good day for girly things

Today has turned out to be a lovely day. I finally got myself to Kela, and they turned out to be the most effective government agency I've had to deal with so far. Until now I've always been sent running around in circles, but Kela was fairly straightforward. I was lucky to be seen by a very good-humoured lady, who did not moan about me filling in the form with completely inaccurate information. I'm apparently too stupid to read the cost of my rent from one piece of paper and write it down on another one. I'm also apparently too stupid to know which month it is. Thankfully she just seemed to find it endearing. I'm a bit anxious that things will not go according to plan, seeing as most other official things here have been overly complicated, but I'm choosing to remain optimistic for the time being. If it fails there's still social services to fall back on, and I hear that they rarely refuse to help anyone. Fingers crossed, because if there's no way to pay my rent there's no way to stay here. If only I could have a decent, stable job and not have to worry about this kind of thing. I'd enjoy having a job, at least a few days a week, for something to do, if nothing else. Now that things are settling down for me I'm going to start making more of an effort again when it comes to finding something, because it is pretty boring not having that much to do. I should really get around to advertising as an English/art tutor.

After going there, Emmi and I went to two really nice shops. The first is only just up the street from where I live. It was a second hand shop, mainly selling clothing, but also some homeware items, and it reminded me so much of an English charity shop. I know a few people who could go completely crazy in there. As with any shops like that you had to rummage through the crap and be patient, but there were some really nice things hidden away. I bought a top/very short dress, which is simple but with a really pretty neckline, and only cost €3! I deserved a treat, and at that price I'm hardly breaking the bank. I also found two beautiful dresses, one for €10, the other for €13, which I was really excited about, and I'm really hoping my debit card arrives quickly so I can get them. One was a black, slightly EGL style dress, made of lace with long sleeves and a ribbon around the middle. The other was a bright purple asymmetric one. I think I'd need to try it on to be sure as the shape was strange; it might look amazing or it might look horrific. The black one, at least, has my name written all over it.
The next shop was a craft supply shop. Emmi is getting married in a couple of months so she needed stuff to make her wedding invitations with. I love visiting those kinds of shops, and this one had some very nice items, as well as some good quality acrylic paints and art supplies, which is good to know. There were a lot of really cool things in there, and now I've been inspired to try some more craft-type ideas, although I'm a bit unsure of where to start as I'm so used to doing more academic Fine Art work. I have had a couple of ideas this evening though. They sold jewellery-making wire in a wide range of colours, as well as wire and paper flowers, similar to those in the picture, also in a variety of colours and styles. I thought of buying some and making a necklace or bracelet for myself. They also sold papier-mache models of female busts, like mannequins, and I'd quite like to buy one and decorate it with some paper flowers, ribbon, and maybe paint. I've never really done something like that so it would be a nice experiment, and maybe if I turned out to be good at this stuff I could sell them. Even if it wasn't of high enough quality for that I'd like to have an ornament just for myself. Once my card comes I'm definitely going to look into this more, I think it would be fun to try. Going shopping might have been a bad idea, now I'm thinking of lots of things to spend money on.

Finally, Hyvää Naistenpäivä/Happy Women's Day! I'd never even heard of this until someone sent me a text saying that - I thought it was a Finnish thing similar to calendar days, but it's actually an international thing. In many countries it's a national holiday, and English lobbyists are apparently trying to get the same thing, but it was new to me. One of the girls in the house, Heli, said that in Finland it's normal to give flowers to your wife/daughter/mother/whoever, and that all day long she'd had text messages wishing her hyvää naistenpäivä. Anyway, the Ukrainian girl who lives in the house had bought some wine and chocolate for us all to have a little party with, because in her country it is a national holiday, and apparently quite a big deal. The wine was really good. I'm not normally that into red wine, but this one was spectacular! It was Bulgarian and I'm definitely going to have to hunt some down from Alko. The party was a lovely surprise, and very thoughtful of her to do. For me it was a new cultural thing too. I hear that today is Pancake Day in England, and I was slightly jealous, but I still got to do something special. It was good for us all to sit and chat together for a few hours. On the back of that Heli and I have decided to go explore second hand shops tomorrow too, seeing as I still want a new bed and some other household things, and she wants to see this clothing shop and the basement of the Salvation Army shop. It should be a nice day. Today has been great, and I hope everyone else has had a nice day, whether you were eating pancakes or being a woman!

Something I didn't like

I had a new experience I didn't like yesterday. I don't know if this is a common occurence, but I hope it is not.
I was just about to go out yesterday afternoon to meet another new friend, when the doorbell rang. I answered it and a middle-aged lady was there. I thought she might have been one of the other girl's mums, but when I said hello she gave me a piece of paper written in Finnish, I didn't really understand it but at the bottom it said €1-5. As she wasn't the smartest or cleanest looking person I've ever seen, I guessed she was begging for money, so I shut the door again. I understand some people get themselves into unfortunate situations, and sometimes I do give money or a snack to homeless people, but I found it a bit outrageous that she had the audacity to get into a private building and go door to door, begging. She must have waited for someone to go in or out of the front door and then gone inside.
I hope this kind of thing doesn't happen a lot; it's ridiculous for someone to think they can just turn up at a stranger's door, disturb people in their own homes, and expect some money. I don't have anything to give at the moment anyway, but even if I did that kind of rudeness would annoy me too much to do anything for that person.
After that I went to meet a new friend. We have a mutual friend from England, which I guess was how he started to read this blog. It was nice to hear about how things are in a Finnish university - mainly there's a lot of drinking, so that's not so different to my university. I also impressed him with an explanation of pub golf - I can see that catching on in Finland!
An unfortunate thing about bars here is that if you went to the pub at 4pm on a Wednesday in England you'd expect it to be quite quiet and low-key, and if you're a girl on your own you don't expect any trouble or unwanted attention - here the pub was already full, to the point that people had to stand, and a very creepy man decided to hit on me. No thanks. Luckily a friendly gay man started chatting to me in a bid to protect me. I was very glad when Tero turned up and I didn't have to try to get rid of the creepy men...

Last night

Last night was a really good end to a bit of a rubbish week. I was talking with two of the girls I live with and I said that, due to losing my keys, I couldn't go out at night because I couldn't wake everyone up to let me in at 2am, so we concluded the best solution was to go out drinking together! It was a good night, nothing too heavy, but it certainly cheered me up.
I'm really happy that we can start to become friends, rather than just being a bunch of people who live in the same flat. When I moved in I was told that it wasn't a sociable household and that the people here don't hang out together, but I think it's only that one person who has that attitude, the other two girls are equally keen for everyone to be more friendly. Apart from living with Jussi, I've always lived with friends, so it's normal to me to be on friendly terms with your flatmates and to spend time together.
One person also said she wants to have a housewarming party with her friends, and then we came up with the idea of everyone in the house agreeing on a date and having a bigger party where everyone can invite their friends all at once. It would probably also avoid arguments with the less sociable people about too many parties going on. I don't know when we'll be doing that but it sounds fun.
When we went out we went to a bar I'd never heard of before, but it turned out to be great. It's called El Gringo, it's tiny, and they serve really tasty tortilla wraps. That's the main reason we went there but we had a drink too. It was one of the smallest bars I've ever seen - it wasn't much bigger than my bedroom - but it seemed like a popular place to go. It was very cheap too - the food was €3 and a beer was €2.50. The atmosphere was nice, and as we'd been drinking at home already, a snack was a really good idea. I'd definitely recommend it to people in Turku.
The other exciting thing is that I'm looking into flights to visit my friend Selina, who's studying abroad in Norway for a year. I can go there for a little under £40 each way, so it seems like a genius idea. She lives in Bergen, and to go directly there would still be less than £80, but I think going to Oslo and getting a train saves a bit of money. I'm really excited about doing that though, it's another new experience I might not have if I was in England, and going to a new country is always fun. Even though none of my problems have magically disappeared I feel a lot more positive and happy today.

English people talk about the weather

I've been enjoying the weather for the past couple of days. Unfortunately it's been bitter and cold, which isn't so nice, even though I'm more used to it now, but it's been brighter and sunnier than I've ever seen it in Turku. There's still a lot of snow on the ground, but I really like how bright sunshine makes it sparkle, like someone poured silver glitter all over it. The sky has been really clear and blue; all weekend we've been lucky with lovely weather.
Another good thing is that it's staying lighter for longer now. On Friday and Saturday I saw the sun going down around 5.30, and the sky looked so lovely. There was so much colour, and it's much nicer than all the days that have been dark, grey, and depressing, and so much better than when it's dark really early. The weather here does tend to be a bit depressing, especially for someone who's not used to it. Everyone thinks of my country as being very grey and miserable, but they should see winter in Finland. We're definitely nowhere near the end of winter but I'm happy that the weather seems to be brighter and lighter. Maybe I'm appreciating it more because I'm going out and doing more things than I have for the past few weeks.
Tomorrow will be a busy day - Emmi and I are going to attempt to sort out some benefits/jobs and financial stuff for me from työvoimatoimisto and kela. I've been warned that this could be a stressful and lengthy process, but for now I'm choosing to remain optimistic...

Woohoo

In some very strange twist of fate I've got a house to go to! It's actually the one I was planning to move to in January, and then backed out of for financial reasons. The estate agents seemed to think it was mine all along, never mind the bit where I agreed to go back to them with a deposit and they never saw me again...
But in a couple of days I'll be there. It's a good thing student loans accidentally gave me money. I know I shouldn't really be spending it, but I think somewhere to live is a legitimate reason to use it. I'm not just going on holiday or a shopping trip. Based on all the information I've been given it seems that Kela ought to be able to help me financially whilst my job is still irregular, and that already having a house means they're more inclined to do something for me.
I'm extremely relieved, and I'm glad that I won't need to pay for some nights in a hotel on top of a deposit. As I recall it was a very nice flat, the kitchen and living room are furnished, the bathroom was nice and the bedroom was pretty big. I'll have plenty of room to paint and make a mess. There are a few other girls living there, who probably have been there for a while already, but I'm sure I'll be ok. Plus it's very central, about 5 minutes walk to market square, maybe two minutes to the river, and when I do go to work the walking distance won't be any longer than before. It may even be quicker.
I was very stressed this morning, and now I feel a lot calmer. Tomorrow I'm going to deal with the deposit, and then the practical side of things should be ok, I just need to get over all the emotional trouble. I'm making plans for the weekend and I feel like I'm finally getting what I want. I still need to work on furniture, and if possible, claiming an old computer from someone; I threw mine away when I left England because it was so broken. All of this can be dealt with later on though, the most important thing is that things are working themselves out now, and I'm very pleased. This must be some good luck or karma, because I was expecting this process to be much longer and more difficult.

Positive/Negative

Positive: A couple of days ago I sold my second painting ever! It's not for a lot of money but it's a start. I'm very pleased about that.
Also two very nice ladies in Turku have contacted me after reading this blog to make friends, which is also very nice. One is English, the other is Finnish but previously lived in London and wants to meet someone she can speak to in English. Sounds like my kinda people.

Negative: Those two points aside, the past few days have been absolutely brutal. It's looking more and more likely that I should just go home. In fact, I have a plane ticket, the question is whether or not to use it. If I can stay here then it's possible to just change the date of my flight to a later time, and use it for a holiday or something.
The root of the problem comes from having nowhere to stay. My friends here all seem to have their own problems and priorities right now, which I do understand and am not blaming them for, but as a result no one is able or willing to help me. I'm really disappointed, but I do understand that other people are not sitting around all day waiting, just in case I have a problem that needs solving. It's very annoying that at the moment I could easily afford a deposit for a house, mainly because the UK student loans company messed up and accidentally paid me a new loan installment. However, they've made it clear that they want it back, and I've already spent a fair amount, not realising why there was so much money available to me. At first I thought the bank had made a mistake. With the new suggestions I've had regarding benefits money, as well as my own ideas for making money, there's a chance something could get sorted out to cover rent, but I don't want to make any commitments before finding out for sure.
I'd be miserable if I ended up back in England already, because I feel like I'll be missing out on opportunities here. That was the point of being in this country anyway. As I'd be unable to return to university at this time I'd end up living a pretty boring life with some dead end, short term job, living with my parents in a city I hate. Vantaa suddenly got a lot more appealing, but that plan is also flawed. When things in Turku are steady I'm very happy, and although some people will consider this foolish, I think that being happy is more important. It looks like I have a few days to work out how to stay put. I feel that some kind of miracle would be my only hope, because I think I've exhausted my options.
My personal life is getting really screwed up too, and I keep wondering if all of this would have happened if we'd remained in London. I have no intention of explaining that stuff here though, so unless you know me you'll just have to make up your own version of that story. I will say that this week I realised that my personal situation is holding me back, and I think I'd be capable of doing some big and interesting things if it weren't for that. A small example is my language class - it's a simple thing I'm doing to better myself and to make life a bit easier here, and another person should not be preventing me from going; and due to the problems I'm having, I'm not really in a position to argue with that. I wish my friends and my mother were around, but not to the point that I'd choose to go home. I just need a hug.

Any thoughts?

Voi Vittu

I feel like I'm just a bit screwed. I called the stamp shop today and my boss won't have any work for me until March. Finding another job is proving to be very difficult, due to my poor Finnish ability. I've contacted two English language pre-schools, Little Britannia, The Castle, cleaning jobs, and plenty of independent people looking for English speaking au peres or babysitters and nothing is coming up yet. A lot of the jobs that don't require Finnish are based in the capital. It doesn't help that all of my previous employment has been customer service based, which would be near impossible here. I couldn't even work in a supermarket. I can't survive on thin air, and now I'm really starting to think it's about time I admitted that things didn't go to plan here and I should go home.
Obviously I'd much rather be able to continue my life here but without an income that's not really possible. I have plenty of free time but I can rarely go and do something enjoyable without any money. Everything feels very empty in my life.
I have a couple of ideas that I could still try: printing adverts in Finnish for an art/English tutor, which I'd be quite keen to do anyway, possibly printing another advert as a cleaner or babysitter, trying to sell some artwork, and this is a very long shot, but making a portfolio on a USB and going to some small independent galleries I've seen to try to convince them they want my work. The commercial galleries here seem to be less exclusive than the London ones - aside from one particular gallery they all seem to have lots of different works by different artists crammed together, rather than focussing on one practitioner or theme. Even if that was a successful venture it wouldn't necessarily guarantee money, but I'm at the point that I need to try anything. I'm thinking I should set up an Etsy account too. If something doesn't come up very soon I'm probably going to have to call it a day on this one. I knew my prospects in this country weren't that great, and I've always been realistic about what's possible for me here, but I honestly didn't realise it would be so hard. Tomorrow I should probably go to the employment agency and see if they can help, but previously their only suggestions were cleaning ferries, which I applied for, and working for Nokia, although the Nokia website now says that speaking Finnish is a requirement, so maybe their rules have changed.
If anyone has any suggestions, however outlandish, of potential jobs or ways to earn money I'm willing to listen, and probably give it a shot. With the exception of prostitution, my standards are pretty low right now so I'll do anything. I don't care if it's weird, or even just irregular, because a number of irregular jobs might add up to something worthwhile. I would be extremely grateful for some help from any source.

The Finnish language

The language classes are going well enough, I feel a bit more comfortable in that scenario now. I am very annoyed that I was obliged to buy this textbook, which is the standard kind of thing anyone learns languages in school with ie. 3:1 ratio of pictures to words, about 100 pages long...for 35 fucking euros! What the bloody hell. Once I recovered from the minor heart attack I had in the bookshop I was ready to pay for it. How they can justify that is beyond me, especially when the course itself cost about 60 euros. Thankfully, Suski very kindly paid for that as a christmas present, so this was my only expense, but I think it's about 20 euros overpriced.
I think I'm keeping up quite well in the class, especially considering that a fair few people in the class have lived in Finland for years and/or already taken a Finnish language course before now. Last week I was chatting to a Hungarian lady from the class whilst I walked home; she asked when I had come to this country, and when I said October she kept saying what a short time it was, and how she remembered what it was like when she first arrived! Two years ago...
Some people mentioned that they had done whole degrees in Finnish universities, and are now taking this class. That was probably a case of "do something educational or get the hell out of Finland." I just wonder why on earth they have lived here for years but not attempted to learn the language of this country until now - I actually consider it to be quite disrespectful. With this is mind, I guess it shouldn't be much of a surprise that other people sometimes seem to know random bits of vocabulary that I've never even heard of.
Our teacher has a strategy of cheekily sneaking in bits of grammar, and that's my downfall. Even when I learnt languages in school I always really enjoyed learning new words but the grammar is quite boring for me, so it doesn't always sink in. Furthermore, Finnish grammar is ridiculously complicated, and I really don't know how I'm going to remember the rules. I don't even remember the names of the rules! One of them sounds a bit like party-tv, so everytime that gets mentioned I start thinking about parties, and that's probably not supposed to happen.
The teacher still seems to think I'm only pretending to be English...she's still asking where my name comes from, and earlier started suddenly asking lots of questions about British culture, possibly in an attempt to prove that I'm an illegal immigrant. She failed. Ha. After that a very nice Italian man asked me if Cornwall was in Wales...Bless.
We're still on quite a basic level. Today we looked at some examples of dialogues when out shopping. When I looked at the page I managed to work out what most of the conversation said, using words that I already knew, and some common sense, so I can't be doing that badly. I probably just need some practice and confidence, and to remember how to structure sentences. Then, once my vocabulary has improved I should be able to attempt conversations. I could definitely do the "what is your name, where are you from..." kinda thing, but we'll have to wait before I can tackle anything more advanced. I think I've set myself quite a challenge, and I hope I'm up to it.

Also...what in God's name is going on on the cover of that book? What are they up to? Anyone?

This is the happiest day of my life!

Today has been insane! I was woken up by Emma telling me "I'm sorry, you have to get up now, you have a job." So I thought, what the fuck? Our friend Suski works for a company that buys and sells stamps to stamp collectors, and her boss had asked if she knew anyone who could help out around the office, doing stuff like filing and putting things into envelopes. Thankfully, she thought of me, and language wasn't an issue.
So Emma and I walked over there, and in I went. Obviously, on the first day in any job you have to have an embarrassing moment, and here's mine: I met the boss, whose name is Tatu, and when I was introduced to him he just said "Tatu." At first I thought he was speaking to me in Finnish, then I thought he was talking about tattoos. Eventually he said "That's my name." I apologised, but thankfully Finnish people always think the language barriers are their fault.
We had a chat for a while, and it became apparent that that guy fucking loves stamps! On a slightly insane level. Then it gets better.
He said "I have an idea, and I think you're the only person who can help with that." So my immediate thought was, oh shit... Then he asked me to teach him English! Which is a coincidence, as I'd placed adverts online earlier in the week as an English or art tutor. He asked how much money I would expect for doing that, and I hadn't really considered that. I suggested he could help me with my Finnish in exchange for me helping with his English, and his response was "Yes I'll do that, but I also want to pay you." So I'm not arguing with that. Now, I'm working in the office for €9/hour, and teaching him English most mornings for €10/hour. How ironic that the shittiest job I've ever had is also the most highly paid.
After about an hour of chat I was put to work, and all I had to do was fold invoices in half, put them in an envelope, seal said envelope. And they're paying me a shitload to do a monkey's job. I don't really see how I can fuck up such a simple task. This cannot possibly go wrong! (Famous last words...)
The work might not be that regular, because I'm only there to help out with general, slightly shitty jobs, and he said that if things aren't very busy I might not need to work. That's ok though, because I'd like some time to do my own things rather than having to work constantly. I'm going back tomorrow at 8am to teach him English for an hour, then do the office work for the rest of the morning. On Monday it's Finnish Independence Day, so there's no work for anyone, but next Tuesday I only have to teach for an hour, then on Wednesday to Friday I'm working full days. This is pretty sweet. I'm very proud, even if my work is very modest, at least I'm working and contributing like a normal person, and I'll also be able to have a social security number, which as you all know will solve a lot of problems for me.
After work Suski and her boyfriend took me for a drink to celebrate, so today worked out very nicely for me. I have Suski to thank, because whilst she was arranging work for me I was fast asleep. I haven't worked for this at all.

She also showed me a picture of a pre-prepared salad she's been eating recently - the brand name is...Tamsin! It's available in Siwa. I apparently taste delicious and crunchy. I guarantee that the jokes about eating me are never, ever going to get old.
So I hope tomorrow will be just as good and that the teaching will go well. I'm really really happy.