The end of year essay

I'm still shocked that it's all over, and I'm not quite sure how to put it all into words. I'm still trying to get accustomed to being back in England, I'm feeling very slow and tired, and still quite unhappy. Things are better than expected - I thought I'd be crying constantly at this point. Turku already feels so far away, even though I've been talking to my friends pretty much constantly since I left. Everything feels like maybe it was just a dream.
I look back on the past year with pride and happiness. I came through a lot of things, many of which were far too personal to write about here. As you all know, the circumstances in which I went to Finland were not the best, and when I think about it I realise more and more how utterly miserable I was a year ago. Being in Finland encouraged me to get my life back as I wanted it to be, and I certainly did do that!
Living in Finland was definitely not always straightforward. At times I was so scared I could have jumped on a plane home, so frustrated I could have killed someone, and so confused I just wanted to curl up and cry. However, I can say with absolute certainty that it was worth the trouble I endured. Although my memories of winter mainly consist of unhappiness, it wasn't too long before things turned around. It certainly wasn't easy, as I have stated before, but it worked out. I really think that one of the reasons this blog has become so popular is because I haven't pretended that everything was perfect all the time. I've been honest about the problems I've experienced, most of which are just an unavoidable part of immigration.
Despite these things, I've had the chance to learn so much, try many new things, and make wonderful friends, some of whom I cannot imagine my life without. On so many occasions I just stopped for a moment and thought of how amazing it all was. I think when I first arrived I didn't really believe I could make it through, but I did. I am a much stronger person today than I was when I went to Finland. I found so much happiness in Turku, even when things weren't quite going to plan. I've learned to look past the difficulties, and appreciate all the good things that there are. I really never thought that things would go so well for me, even though I often had to struggle through.
I have had so many wonderful new experiences in the past year; opportunities I would not have had in my own country. Not all of them were huge or significant, but they still mattered to me. Even things like trying a new food have their value. I'm so glad I got to travel a bit and see some new places, such as Tampere and Norway. I've learned so much about a foreign culture, which has been fascinating. Even though I've done many good things, I still feel there's more for me to do in Finland. I missed out on some things I hoped to do, due to time and money constraints. I never went to Sweden or Poland, and I never went to Muumimailmaa when it was actually open. But I will, I know I will, because I'll be back.
After a while I really felt at home in Finland, and on Monday I felt like I was leaving my home. It amuses me that I feel this way because on my first visit to Helsinki, two years ago, I didn't even like it much and suspected that I wouldn't return. How things have changed! Maybe I just needed to spend more time in the country, or maybe Turku is the place for me. There are so many people who are close to me in Turku, and a few in other places, and maybe that's why I was so comfortable. I'm impressed that I managed to find people who I got on with so well and became close to, considering the cultural and linguistic barriers. I have been extremely lucky.
Luck is definitely the overwhelming feeling for me. I feel lucky to have survived, to have received so much help, and to have been so fortunate. If I hadn't needed to leave now I doubt I ever would have.
I'm very much looking forward to the holidays I'll be taking in Finland in the coming year, and to moving back permanently next summer. I'm just going to keep working until that day comes. I think I'll be visiting Tampere and Turku in December, and I can't wait, even though it'll be dark and cold.
I think the whole experience was too immense to just describe here. I don't think I can really explain it all. However, I would encourage anyone who wants to do the same thing to just do it. Whichever country it is, however hard you think it'll be - just do it. There will be numerous difficulties, and you might think you'll go mad, but it is a hugely rewarding thing to do. My life is much richer for having had this experience, and has also improved immensely. I think it might actually have saved my life, although I never thought the effect on me would be so great. I have no regrets.

Successful week so far

I've amazed myself with my own productivity in the past couple of days. I seem to have found a sudden spurt of energy and motivation. I've been a bit lethargic recently so maybe I'm getting over the hump.
I went to my appointment at the employment agency, and that all went fine. I've got a few more ideas of possible work options to look into, so I'm feeling more positive about that. Posti and Maistraati have also both confirmed my change of address, although apparently that's only been registered as a postal address, not a permanent address. I don't understand why, and don't quite understand how the hell you do get a permanent address, short of marrying a Finnish person. I suspect that this is the thing where I'm required to pay €47 at the police station, which I really didn't want to do, and still think is rather unfair. I'm a bit worried that's going to affect things with Kela, so perhaps tomorrow I need to find out what's going on with this. I really need the Kela thing to come through, otherwise I have a huge problem. I guess that paying that money isn't so terrible in the grand scheme of things if it means I'll get my rent paid and ensure me a stable place to live. It seems rather unjust, but if this is the difference between being safe and being homeless I'll have to do it.
I wish all this stuff had come to my attention months ago, or at least that I had been more efficient. I really think someone should compile a step by step guide to what an immigrant needs to do to get their stuff sorted here - I've been here for five months and it just gets more and more complicated. Although if I didn't need something from Kela I wouldn't be dealing with all of this at all, but I didn't even know I was required to apply to be covered by them until I went there for help.
Are things like this in every country? At least if I choose to come back to Finland in the future I'll be much better prepared.

Kela got complicated

I was warned. They sent me a letter, very thoughtfully written in English, to tell me that I apparently don't have an address here! I should go to Maistraati to register an address. Hopefully, they will not direct me again to the police station, where I will be asked for €47 to register as a resident of Finland. I simply don't have €47 to chuck around like that! Emmi told me that when a Finnish person moves they go to Maistraati to change the information, so maybe that's the only thing there, and it just got a bit confused last time. I hope this is the case because €47 is a lot of money for me, and it's a bit unfair as I'm from an EU country, and therefore have a right to be here.
The other problem is that I can't find my old work contract, and was never even given a pay slip. I hope that calling the stamp shop for confirmation that I worked there is sufficient. Things are back to going in circles. What else did I expect?
More and more I'm wondering how on earth people emigrate without some kind of support network. I'm so lucky to have various people here who help me with these things, and I'm wondering how other people without that manage. Obviously it's entirely possible because millions of people emigrate, but I have no idea how they manage. There's no resource that tells you all the stuff you need to do and all the information you need to know, and especially when foreign languages are involved it tends to get a bit mixed up. I think that's one of the reasons why things have gone round in circles so much.