New professional practice blog

As I am now in England I will no longer be updating this blog, at least not until next summer. I have a professional art practice blog, where I will document the work I am currently doing - portraits of the many significant people I met during my time in Finland. I hope my readers here will take a similar interest in this work.

http://tamsinspargoportrait.blogspot.com

Moomin museum and other recent exploits

I've just come home from spending a few days visiting my boyfriend in Tampere. I had a nice time, but the greatest thing about my trip was that he took me to the Moomin Museum! He has just qualified as the world's best boyfriend.
We were very lucky - we turned up about 20 minutes before it was due to close, so the lady working there said we could go in without paying! We still managed to see most of the exhibits. It was lovely; I got to see some of Tove Jansson's original drawings. That was very interesting for me, not only due to the art side, but because I was raised on the Japanese Moomins cartoon on tv, and the style of that is very different to the original books. The originals are sometimes much darker and moodier. There were other items too, such as Moomins books in various languages and set-up scenes with the characters. I would really recommend the museum, especially to tourists, and I think it appeals to both adults and children.
We also went to some small, commercial art galleries, and saw some interesting pieces. Not all of the work was Finnish, but it was good to see. Aside from that we visited some parks and the Pyynikki area, where there's a beautiful forest and beach. Tampere seems to have a lot of lovely, natural areas, more than in the centre of Turku, even though there are plenty of parks here too.
Someone mentioned that Turku has a different atmosphere to many other places in this country, and having spent more time away from Turku I'm inclined to agree. At least during the summer it seems to be extremely lively - I've noticed so many street performers and music. I appreciate that, having a creative mindset, but I also really like Tampere. It seems a bit calmer than Turku. Maybe I'll even end up living there one day, but I'll see what happens. I find Finland as a whole appealing, and I'd still like to see more of it.
Aside from that, my suitcase has now been collected by the courier and will be off to England soon. It was very sad to start packing my life up and taking everything away, but it had to happen.
I'd also like to say now how grateful I am for all the lovely messages I've received recently wishing me luck for my return to England and complimenting me on my writing. I'm very appreciative, and don't worry, I'm still here for two weeks. After that we'll just have to wait and see...

Something special for my lovely readers

As a special treat for being so loyal and lovely, I came up with this:

Frozen in Finland readers can have 20% off the price of any of my artwork listed on Etsy!
Please note that this is a discount on the cost of the item only; shippng costs will stay as stated on Etsy.
To take advantage of this, please contact me directly via email, with your name and address, and obviously specifying which piece you want. I will confirm the total price for you and send you my paypal details for payment. Nothing will be shipped to you until payment has been received. Now go buy some art!

Remember, if you want a discount you'll need to contact me, ot make a purchase through Etsy - they'll automatically charge you the full price.

Vesi exhibition

Today is an insanely hot day here, which I think set me up well psychologically for seeing an exhibition about water. I enjoyed the show, but I think I preferred the last exhibition I saw at Wäinö Aaltosen.
The picture is of my favourite piece from the show, "Sink First" by Tina Eskilsson. The medium is pencil, and it looked very impressive. The placement of the figure, with a gap at the top, made the idea of sinking very convincing.
I also really liked two films, by Hannu Karjalainen and Renja Leino respectively. Both of them used sound and image in such a way that made the water seem to really be there, like I could touch it. Karjalainen's film "Surfer", was particularly good, showing waves crashing against rocks. It reminded me very much of my home, it was very emotive and captivating.
Again, the layout of the exhibition was great, and successfully showed the many functions of water - as a cleanser, as part of recreation and sport, as a dangerous force etc. In the first room there seemed to be some emphasis on visual distortion caused by being underwater, which was interesting to look at.
My only complaint would be that this show was really focussed on photography, and I would have liked to see some more paintings and drawings. There were a few included, but they seemed like an afterthought. The previous exhibition I saw at this gallery covered a wide spectrum of media, which kept things fresh, but that was not the case today. I have nothing against photography, but it's not my primary interest, and the exhibition seemed a bit unbalanced to me.
However, the subject matter is interesting, and there were plenty of really great images and compelling works, so I'm pleased that I went. This show runs until August, and I'm looking forward to seeing what's next at Wäinö Aaltosen.

Weird weekends

Yesterday there was some kind of free street art party, and also a march through Turku to legalise cannabis. I didn't go to either of those things, because I was battling a hangover of epic proportions. I swear that I get worse hangovers in this country, and someone told me a long time ago that Finnish beer is brewed slightly differently, so maybe that has a negative effect on me. Finnish hangovers, unfortunately, seem to be vomit-inducing, and that's never been the case for me before now. Maybe I'm just getting old, but yesterday was a particularly bad one.
When I left Klubi on Friday night - I believe at around 3.30am - the sky was already light, which was really trippy. I felt extremely disorientated after that. The light levels here are still driving me mad, and I'm only in the southern part of the country. I'd quite like to visit Oulu, for example, because there's 24 hour daylight in summertime there, and I find that idea so bizarre. I don't think I can quite believe it without seeing it for myself.
This week I need to stop being lazy when it comes to the job hunt. Since I came back from Norway I really haven't made enough effort, and I know that I should. As well as more money, I really think I'd benefit from having a bit more structure to my days. The only advantage of the current situation is that recently I've been painting and working on art a lot more than I had been. Unfortunately I'm not yet in a position where I can afford to concentrate on that completely, so some proper work is definitely required.

Libraries are good

Today Minttu took me to the library to print some things, and it's really very nice. The older part is a really beautiful building, and inside there were some sculptures and digital artwork. There are lots of comfortable places to sit, and they even have a cafe!
She showed me where the foreign language books are, and they have a large selection in English. They also have quite a big section on art, also in a variety of languages. If I'm a bit bored sometime I think it would be enjoyable to go there and read something new. I wish I'd been there during the dark winter days, it would have been a good place to visit.
There's lots of light, especially in the new building, which can't be a bad thing if you're going there to read. However, my absolute favourite thing about the library was that the children's section, with lots of games and nice places to sit, was filled with teenagers and adults. Presumably it was more comfortable than the adult section.
It was quite busy there, and it seems to be a popular place to visit. I think it's good that people are keen to go to the library here - I'm not sure the attitude is the same in England. I think I will go there again. If I get a babysitting or au pere job I will definitely be dragging the children off to find some lovely books.

Pirate hippies and music in the park

This weekend has been amazing! The weather has suddenly become very sunny and warm, with no clouds in the sky, and it's so lovely. It's like Turku has suddenly burst into life, and it's wonderful.
Yesterday we went back to the hippy culture house for the evening, and it was so relaxing to sit in the sun in the garden. This time we decided to be super cool...and make pasta salad! We were well-prepared, but it seems the organisers had found some more food to go with their bread. Very good. We might be going back tonight too, it's become a bit addictive. The atmosphere is so nice, and it's perfect for a sunny day.
Today I decided to go to the park to sketch - certainly didn't want to waste such a beautiful day at home, and I think another building in the park has been taken over. They put a black flag outside when they've claimed a building, and there was one in the park, plus a very good band playing in there for a couple of hours. I didn't go inside, but it was very pleasant to sit outside drawing and listening to them.
I walked alongside the river too, and there were so many people hanging out around there. It's infectious when everyone is in such a good mood. I'm so excited for the summer - already there's such a great atmosphere, and everyone seems so happy. I love how good weather does that to people.
I can't remember the last time everything felt so wonderful, so free, and so full of hope. I really couldn't be happier with how things have turned out for me, and I really feel now that the struggles have been worthwhile. I'm so glad I'm not missing out on all of these things, which so easily could have happened. Thankfully, things changed. Turku has a really amazing energy right now, that seems to have suddenly exploded out of nowhere. Things are so insular in winter, but everything seems to have opened up and become very inviting. All this and I'm going on holiday in a few days! What more could I ask for?
It's a shame I'll be missing May day here, but maybe something will be happening in Norway too.

The joys of jobhunting

My father tried to convince me to go home...with money. I'd rather be happy than rich though. I've applied for lots of jobs and written to different places asking if they need anyone, and I think something will come up, even if it's not the ideal job. Last night I was a bit miserable and my amazing friend Emma in London found lots of links to au pair jobs for me, so I applied to several of those. One family specifically wanted an artistic English girl, but unfortunately they'd wanted one in January. I wish I was as efficient as Emma is, she seems very good at finding these things, even though she's in another country. If all else fails, a family in Switzerland has already emailed me asking me to move to Zurich and look after their kids. Switzerland has always seemed like a very nice country, very peaceful, never gets into fights and minds it's own business.
I also purchased a showcase spot on Etsy, meaning they shove photos of my work in everyone's faces for a small fee, and hopefully that'll increase sales there. Unless I sell the two massive paintings, costing over €100 each due to their size, I'm not going to make a significant amount of money, but something extra wouldn't be anything to complain about.
Today I'm planning to finally write signs advertising my services as a teacher or babysitter, which can be put up in my building and the supermarket etc. As this building mainly seems to house families I'm hopeful that it could lead to some childcare work. I'd most like some private art tutoring work but I don't know how many people would want to have that.
I know I'm putting in enough effort to find a job, I'm looking into everything I can think of, so something ought to come up. I still have a couple of weeks before I really start shitting myself over this, so I'll just have to keep going. Emma, in her wisdom, advised me to just get out there as much as possible and go through every option I can, and that sounds like very good advice to me. I'll get there, one way or another.

Logomo

Today I went to Logomo for the Tom of Finland retrospective, and it was a really good day. Some of the images were quite explicit, and certainly not appropriate for children, but some of the work was more romantic. The technical drawing skill was stunning, and I came away from the exhibition with a lot of respect for Tom. Currently, most people don't find homosexuality shocking, and most people don't consider it to be wrong, or an illness, but he was making work about being gay at a time when it was illegal and very much frowned upon. I think he was very brave to put something like that out there and to be honest about who he was and what he was into at a time when the reaction would be very extreme. Work like this probably wouldn't be quite so controversial if it was done today, but in his time it was a risky thing to produce. I hope that the subject matter doesn't scare people away, because the drawings are very skillful and really do show talent. The exhibition is on all year as part of the capital of culture programme, and it's worth seeing.
The other exhibitions were also good. One of them was photography based and concentrated on models. There were a huge range of artists included, and this lead to a wide variety of models being shown. It was quite diverse, and as I normally work in portraiture it was of particular interest to me. I particularly liked a room full of pictures taken to resemble early photography, and they were quite convincing. In some cases it was almost impossible to tell that they were contemporary.
As a gallery space I thought Logomo was brilliant. It's an old industrial building, and paraphenalia such as fuse boxes have been kept in place, which provides an exciting contrast with the artwork. The setting isn't overly refined, which was appealing. It also has huge windows, giving a lot of natural light, and on a day like today - bright, sunny, and clear - it was really beneficial.
It's behind the train station, so a bit out of the way, but definitely worth a visit. It's more expensive than other galleries I've been to here, but I think you get a bit more for your money, and it has a much more contemporary feel. I definitely preferred it to the Taidemuseo, for example, which seems a bit old and dull in comparison. I hope the secondary exhibition changes at some point, because I'd really like to revisit Logomo.
When it comes to jobs I've had a few more ideas and suggestions. I've applied to some more things, and am developing a plan to sort something out. Hopefully it works, because I really don't want to leave Turku. This week I'm going to be concentrating on sorting these things out. I'm very determined to find something so I can carry on with things here, where I am happy. This is hanging over my head and ruining my otherwise perfect mood, so I want something to come up to solve the problem.

Give me money!

I really need a more regular, steady income, plus I'd like something useful to do. I'm planning to advertise in Turku, but as I don't know exactly who reads this blog I'd also like to add something here in case someone is interested.

I'd like to work as a private English/art tutor, for adults or older children. English lessons will be conversation based, but I can also explain definitions and grammatical rules. This would be most suitable for someone who already speaks some English but is hoping to improve their abilities and refine their pronunciation etc, or for someone studying for an English exam.
Art lessons can be based on whatever you want, but please bear in mind that I am a 2-dimensional artist, and therefore cannot help you to carve a beautiful statue of your wife out of granite. I would be best equipped to teach painting, drawing, art theory, and elements of art history. Art lessons would be in English, possibly with some Finnish spoken if necessary, so if you would like to improve your English aswell this could be helpful.

Prices and times are negotiable, and I am also prepared to offer long-distance language tutoring via Skype, as someone suggested that this was a viable option. Please contact me if you are interested.
I am well qualified - English is my native language, and I have had an extensive formal art education in my own country. I am also extremely passionate about this subject and would be happy to share my knowledge.

I would also be prepared to take on private babysitting or cleaning jobs, in Turku only. Children usually like me. I'm a bit Mary Poppins. Again, please contact me if you are interested.

Apart from that, it's snowing again, I have a horrendous cold, my ex boyfriend is harrassing me, this thing has decided it doesn't like paragraphs, and my back hurts. Yet I'm still happy...I'm beginning to think I've got a concussion or something.

Otto Mäkilä

Today I've been to the Taidemuseo with one of my friends. The exhibition of what is apparently some of the best pieces from their collection wasn't particularly enjoyable. A few things stood out, but not many. I think part of the problem was that it was heavily landscape-based, and I don't find landscapes particularly interesting. The works were all examples of brilliant technical skill, but nothing really grabbed me, which was a shame. Finnish artists, particularly from the 19th century, seemed very into painting the countryside. I'm sure that if that kind of art caters to your tastes it would be an excellent exhibition to see, but unfortunately it was not for me.

After that we saw the Otto Mäkilä exhibition, and thankfully I enjoyed that so much more. The collection as quite extensive, and showed a really good body of work. Some pieces reminded me of Marc Chagall, others seemed to be influenced by Cubism and Futurism. It was really worth seeing. I also really liked that Mäkilä's sketchbook pages were included in the show; I always like being able to see the thought process behind an artist's work. Too often we are just presented with the final "masterpiece", and for art students it can be a bit discouraging to think that the artist was magically able to produce something so brilliant just like that whilst we cannot. Most of the time you don't get to see the initial planning, or the 10 attempts that went wrong before the final piece, so it's good to be reminded that these famous people weren't any different to us.

Once again, I end up wondering why no Finnish artists seem to be well known in my country. Do they not want to be known outside of Finland or Scandinavia? Is the market in Britain oversaturated with native artists, making it difficult for foreign artists to break through? Artists from other Western European countries and America seem to make a name for themselves, so why not Northern European artists? Using Otto Mäkilä as an example, there is no reason why his work shouldn't be as famous in England as it is in Finland. It's not offensive, it doesn't contain cultural references that people outside of Finland couldn't understand, and it's not actually so different to work that has been successful in that country. I'm starting to wonder if the artists choose not to make themselves known outside of Finland, and if that's the case, why? It's quite frustrating, because I think the work is brilliant and that people in other countries should be aware of it. When I go back to university I will have to write a dissertation, and I'm starting to think that this could be worthy subject matter - I'd really like to find out why it is this way. I'd like to find a Finnish artist or curator and ask their opinion on this. Artists from other countries are known in England, and some Finnish artists are extremely well known and respected here, so why does that not translate to somewhere else? There seems to be a good enough artistic history and tradition.

The only exception seems to be Tom of Finland, and I think his notoriety stems from the controversy surrounding his work. He does apparently have a gallery representing his work in London, and has had exhibitions in France and USA. Even so, I still had never heard of him before coming here. There's an exhibition of his work on at the moment as part of the Capital of Culture programme, which I'd be interested to see.

I'm glad I have the opportunity to learn about Finnish art, even if other people are still missing out on it. It makes me wonder how much quality art we're missing out on, and I think it's a great shame.

A good day for girly things

Today has turned out to be a lovely day. I finally got myself to Kela, and they turned out to be the most effective government agency I've had to deal with so far. Until now I've always been sent running around in circles, but Kela was fairly straightforward. I was lucky to be seen by a very good-humoured lady, who did not moan about me filling in the form with completely inaccurate information. I'm apparently too stupid to read the cost of my rent from one piece of paper and write it down on another one. I'm also apparently too stupid to know which month it is. Thankfully she just seemed to find it endearing. I'm a bit anxious that things will not go according to plan, seeing as most other official things here have been overly complicated, but I'm choosing to remain optimistic for the time being. If it fails there's still social services to fall back on, and I hear that they rarely refuse to help anyone. Fingers crossed, because if there's no way to pay my rent there's no way to stay here. If only I could have a decent, stable job and not have to worry about this kind of thing. I'd enjoy having a job, at least a few days a week, for something to do, if nothing else. Now that things are settling down for me I'm going to start making more of an effort again when it comes to finding something, because it is pretty boring not having that much to do. I should really get around to advertising as an English/art tutor.

After going there, Emmi and I went to two really nice shops. The first is only just up the street from where I live. It was a second hand shop, mainly selling clothing, but also some homeware items, and it reminded me so much of an English charity shop. I know a few people who could go completely crazy in there. As with any shops like that you had to rummage through the crap and be patient, but there were some really nice things hidden away. I bought a top/very short dress, which is simple but with a really pretty neckline, and only cost €3! I deserved a treat, and at that price I'm hardly breaking the bank. I also found two beautiful dresses, one for €10, the other for €13, which I was really excited about, and I'm really hoping my debit card arrives quickly so I can get them. One was a black, slightly EGL style dress, made of lace with long sleeves and a ribbon around the middle. The other was a bright purple asymmetric one. I think I'd need to try it on to be sure as the shape was strange; it might look amazing or it might look horrific. The black one, at least, has my name written all over it.
The next shop was a craft supply shop. Emmi is getting married in a couple of months so she needed stuff to make her wedding invitations with. I love visiting those kinds of shops, and this one had some very nice items, as well as some good quality acrylic paints and art supplies, which is good to know. There were a lot of really cool things in there, and now I've been inspired to try some more craft-type ideas, although I'm a bit unsure of where to start as I'm so used to doing more academic Fine Art work. I have had a couple of ideas this evening though. They sold jewellery-making wire in a wide range of colours, as well as wire and paper flowers, similar to those in the picture, also in a variety of colours and styles. I thought of buying some and making a necklace or bracelet for myself. They also sold papier-mache models of female busts, like mannequins, and I'd quite like to buy one and decorate it with some paper flowers, ribbon, and maybe paint. I've never really done something like that so it would be a nice experiment, and maybe if I turned out to be good at this stuff I could sell them. Even if it wasn't of high enough quality for that I'd like to have an ornament just for myself. Once my card comes I'm definitely going to look into this more, I think it would be fun to try. Going shopping might have been a bad idea, now I'm thinking of lots of things to spend money on.

Finally, Hyvää Naistenpäivä/Happy Women's Day! I'd never even heard of this until someone sent me a text saying that - I thought it was a Finnish thing similar to calendar days, but it's actually an international thing. In many countries it's a national holiday, and English lobbyists are apparently trying to get the same thing, but it was new to me. One of the girls in the house, Heli, said that in Finland it's normal to give flowers to your wife/daughter/mother/whoever, and that all day long she'd had text messages wishing her hyvää naistenpäivä. Anyway, the Ukrainian girl who lives in the house had bought some wine and chocolate for us all to have a little party with, because in her country it is a national holiday, and apparently quite a big deal. The wine was really good. I'm not normally that into red wine, but this one was spectacular! It was Bulgarian and I'm definitely going to have to hunt some down from Alko. The party was a lovely surprise, and very thoughtful of her to do. For me it was a new cultural thing too. I hear that today is Pancake Day in England, and I was slightly jealous, but I still got to do something special. It was good for us all to sit and chat together for a few hours. On the back of that Heli and I have decided to go explore second hand shops tomorrow too, seeing as I still want a new bed and some other household things, and she wants to see this clothing shop and the basement of the Salvation Army shop. It should be a nice day. Today has been great, and I hope everyone else has had a nice day, whether you were eating pancakes or being a woman!

Reflective walk

I decided to go for a short walk near the church this afternoon to ease my mind for a bit. It was a good idea - soothing and peaceful. I don't think I've ever paid much attention to the area directly around the church, except to set off fireworks on New Years Eve. It was strange that, despite being in the middle of the city, it was very quiet around there. It's set back from the main roads slightly, so perhaps that explains why. It was a bit too chilly to be wandering around for too long, but at least the sun was shining and there's much less ice and snow on the ground at the moment.

I sketched the statue of Per Brahe too, but suffered the usual problem of the ink in my pen freezing. On Wikipedia I found a photograph of the statue that was taken in 1900. It's funny how the background doesn't seem to have changed much since then. I also noticed I've now filled the Muumimamma sketchbook I bought on that first trip to Helsinki. That was when everything got a bit weird in my life. Maybe now it can stop.

It was nice to have some quiet time to just think about things. I happened to bump into someone I know too, and I realised that Turku is becoming quite familiar and homely now. I think this is a good place for me to be, despite certain claims that my life would be better in Helsinki. I don't think that's true.

As I've said before, there's been way too much chaos in my personal life recently, and I really want it all to end now. I can't believe it's been dragged out for so long. When I wander around Turku like this I realise that, regardless of the circumstances or the past, this is the place for me right now, and there's nowhere I'd rather be than right where I am. I've made the correct choice, I'm sure of it. It's been a struggle at times, but a worthwhile one if it means I can have a peaceful time here. I've met so many people, seen the reality of some things for the first time, and worked out what I really want. I feel motivated to do, and get, what I want, so I'm going to get everything in my life in order. Then go back to England and make a mess again!

Finland artwork

When I wrote about visiting the Wäinö Aaltosen Museo here I included a picture of one piece I saw, Harro Koskinen's "Tahrainen Suomi". I mentioned that I was inspired by the piece and wanted to do something similar myself, and today I did. I felt ridiculous buying a flag from a tourist shop, but I guess it was worth it.

I felt that Koskinen's work had some negative connotations, possibly just because it was included in an exhibition themed on death. I wanted to give this work a more positive feeling, so I used a variety of colours, including some bright tones. I also included an outline of Finland, as it felt like otherwise the work was a bit lost and meaningless.

I'm pleased with it, but it was quite physical work as the flag is large, and I had to move around constantly. Now I'm exhausted. If anyone would like to purchase it, it is currently available for sale from my Etsy shop, for €25, plus postage. You can find a link to it on the "Who am I?" page.

Lots of news

I'm very pleased to announce that, after one of the most stressful and overly complicated weeks of my life, I am in my own home! Yes, I have a key and everything. It's absolutely huge, but I'm sharing it with a few other girls. They all seem nice enough, but one girl admitted that they don't have a very sociable household so I'm glad I'm making more and more friends these days, I don't want to end up really isolated and lonely.
I now understand why a flat that's so central was dirt cheap - the oven doesn't work, it's freezing cold, the bathroom lock is broken, apparently there's an occasional ant infestation, and the bathroom ceiling was riddled with damp until a couple of weeks ago. I think it could be much worse though. I have the smallest room, but it doesn't matter because I have hardly any stuff. In fact being here has made me realise how little I brought with me. The room is a decent size though, and even with some more stuff in here I'd still have room for visitors from England to sleep. On the subject of stuff, I need a few things, some of which I'd rather not pay money for because I wouldn't be taking it back to England when I leave. There's a charity shop down the street which I know sells decent furniture and kitchen stuff quite cheaply, and I've already had some things donated to me, but if anyone has any of the following that they can give away or sell very cheaply, please let me know.
I need:
Clothes hangers
Coffee machine
Kettle
Oven gloves
General kitchen stuff (I only have a frying pan that I bought when I came here. I don't need anything fancy, just basic stuff like saucepans, knives etc)
Crockery and cutlery
A table/desk
A chair
Bookcase/shelving unit
Lamps
Plug socket extention lead (European sockets only)

If anyone does have these things going spare I'd be really grateful. You can even have it back when I leave if necessary.
I hate that new house feeling where it doesn't feel like it's yours, things aren't exactly how you want them, and you have hardly any entertainment. I'm so glad that today I was able to borrow a laptop and dongle because I was so bored last night! The feelings are even worse when you move somewhere that already has people living there. You feel so intrusive, like you shouldn't be there at all, or you're a guest. It's all so new - on my way home today I actually walked straight past my own front door!
Today I had a really lovely day. I went to meet a new friend, who's been reading this blog, and her children. I was excited that she has met Jasper Pääkkönen. Apparently he's very nice, and on his birthday he bought hot dogs for everyone! She showed me a couple of places where I can get a pretty good selection of English magazines (although none of the trash I usually like), and showed me somewhere to buy art materials. I was really impressed because everything there was Windsor & Newton, all decent stuff, and there was a really good product range. Then, at her house, I got to meet her cat! It's been way too long since I got to cuddle a cat.
This week has been pretty horrific overall but today was the silver lining. It was really nice to be able to do what I want for a change, and not have to panic about what someone else's reaction is going to be. I think that things are starting to fall into place a bit more. I've still got a couple of worries, but hopefully those things will also turn out ok, and I can really get things back on track. I'm optimistic now.

Positive/Negative

Positive: A couple of days ago I sold my second painting ever! It's not for a lot of money but it's a start. I'm very pleased about that.
Also two very nice ladies in Turku have contacted me after reading this blog to make friends, which is also very nice. One is English, the other is Finnish but previously lived in London and wants to meet someone she can speak to in English. Sounds like my kinda people.

Negative: Those two points aside, the past few days have been absolutely brutal. It's looking more and more likely that I should just go home. In fact, I have a plane ticket, the question is whether or not to use it. If I can stay here then it's possible to just change the date of my flight to a later time, and use it for a holiday or something.
The root of the problem comes from having nowhere to stay. My friends here all seem to have their own problems and priorities right now, which I do understand and am not blaming them for, but as a result no one is able or willing to help me. I'm really disappointed, but I do understand that other people are not sitting around all day waiting, just in case I have a problem that needs solving. It's very annoying that at the moment I could easily afford a deposit for a house, mainly because the UK student loans company messed up and accidentally paid me a new loan installment. However, they've made it clear that they want it back, and I've already spent a fair amount, not realising why there was so much money available to me. At first I thought the bank had made a mistake. With the new suggestions I've had regarding benefits money, as well as my own ideas for making money, there's a chance something could get sorted out to cover rent, but I don't want to make any commitments before finding out for sure.
I'd be miserable if I ended up back in England already, because I feel like I'll be missing out on opportunities here. That was the point of being in this country anyway. As I'd be unable to return to university at this time I'd end up living a pretty boring life with some dead end, short term job, living with my parents in a city I hate. Vantaa suddenly got a lot more appealing, but that plan is also flawed. When things in Turku are steady I'm very happy, and although some people will consider this foolish, I think that being happy is more important. It looks like I have a few days to work out how to stay put. I feel that some kind of miracle would be my only hope, because I think I've exhausted my options.
My personal life is getting really screwed up too, and I keep wondering if all of this would have happened if we'd remained in London. I have no intention of explaining that stuff here though, so unless you know me you'll just have to make up your own version of that story. I will say that this week I realised that my personal situation is holding me back, and I think I'd be capable of doing some big and interesting things if it weren't for that. A small example is my language class - it's a simple thing I'm doing to better myself and to make life a bit easier here, and another person should not be preventing me from going; and due to the problems I'm having, I'm not really in a position to argue with that. I wish my friends and my mother were around, but not to the point that I'd choose to go home. I just need a hug.

Any thoughts?

Being productive and feeling better

I'm feeling much better about my problems because I've had so many supportive messages from my friends, and also complete strangers, both Finnish and foreign people in Finland, sympathising with me and offering some welcome advice. I'm very grateful to everyone for their encouragement.
Last night I set up an Etsy shop to sell artwork on, and I'm hoping that something will get sold to help me out, even if it's only a short term solution. This morning I've been working on a new painting to go in there, which I'm very satisfied with so far, replying to all these kind messages and thinking of some other potential projects. Plus I've done the laundry, only had a few hours sleep, and it's only 11am. Most days I wouldn't even be out of bed for another hour or so! I probably need some more coffee though.
In a way I'm really glad that I now have the motivation to work on these things. One of my personal aims for this year was to develop myself further as an artist and writer. Through this blog I've definitely devoted more time to writing, but without the influence of uni I felt like art was falling by the wayside a bit. I've really been lacking discipline, and I'm very happy to have now got back into the habit of working and developing ideas.
All the advice and good wishes have given me a new perspective on things. Yesterday I felt like I almost had no choice but to give up, yet now I feel like it's not over unless I decide it's over. I don't want that yet. They'll have to drag me kicking and screaming to the airport right now. I feel much more determined, and I think I'd miss out on a lot of cool stuff if I left now. I don't know exactly what is going to happen but I'm prepared to just do my best and let things unfold as they should.
So, the current plan is:
1. Work on some more small paintings to go on Etsy.
2. Make a digital portfolio to take to galleries. (If no one in Turku wants it, perhaps go further afield to Naantali and Salo)
3. Visit the employment agency to ask about proper jobs.

If anyone has any other suggestions or recommendations please contact me. And again, thank you all for being so supportive.

Wäinö Aaltosen Museo

Today I've been to the Wäinö Aaltosen Museo, to see the exhibition "Death and it's Many Faces," which I've been interested in seeing for a while now. It was interesting, and I've written down a lot of artist's names to look at a bit more. I thought it was good that the exhibition mainly seemed to include Finnish artists. As I've said before, I consider this a really good opportunity to look at some foreign artists who I would never hear about in England.
The piece above, "Tahrainen Suomi" (Stained Finland), is by Harro Koskinen, and it was very bold and interesting. I'm quite keen to get a flag and make a piece following this. I'm not sure what this work referred to, because I always thought the Finns were a peaceful, cheerful bunch, but it seemed to refer to guilt and blame, and obviously, death.
The work I saw covered many media and formats, with a common theme. Another good thing was that each room focussed on a different aspect of death, such as the death of animals, grief, and the depiction of Death as a character. The animal room included a giant smile constructed from cow jawbones on a steel frame, which was a bit unnerving. The show is on until March, and even though some pieces were fairly morbid I quite enjoyed myself. It's a decent sized space too. I guess it showed that some things, such as the depiction and consideration of death, are universal.
I guess this must be art week because I want to go back to Turun Taidemuseo tomorrow. I planned to go today until I found that the new exhibitions open tomorrow, so going today would have been a pointless trip. I think the work there is generally more experimental than at Wäinö Aalto, which seemed more focussed on quite traditional painting and sculpture. There weren't many contemporary works either; most were 20th century. The Taidemuseo's primary exhibition this time is of particularly outstanding works from their collection, so that should be another chance to see a lot of Finnish and Swedish work.

First language class

Today, on the second attempt I managed to get to my language class successfully. I was extremely nervous but everything went fine. The teacher is great, and spent a long time trying to guess which country I came from because my strange name was confusing her. She was very surprised that I'm English. I'd guess that most people in the class are older than me, but everyone seems very encouraging towards each other, helping each other to get the answers, and the class has a nice atmosphere.
Luckily I was able to keep up with everyone else quite well, despite missing all of the classes last week. I wasn't the only person who joined today, and that made me feel better. I was a bit scared when the teaching method turned out to be asking different people questions in front of everyone, and I was included just the same as everyone else. I managed to answer everything, and understood things most of the time, so I'm glad I'm not very far behind the rest of the group. Today was mainly about numbers, most of which I already knew anyway, so I coped well.
I was really anxious about going there today, but there was no need because the class was quite relaxed. I'm hopeful that this will help me out and make me more confident. I'm glad I'm doing it.
Currently I'm drinking Lämmin Kuppi Strawberry and Vanilla soup. Is it soup, juice or tea? I was very sceptical about sweet soup, but I'm rather enjoying it now. It's nice to have something warm and comforting after coming inside from cold, sludgy weather.
Finally, as of Saturday, Turku is the European capital of culture for 2011. Very exciting. Suski and I meant to go to the opening show, but we spent too long getting ready and then missed the whole thing. It's quite cool though, because there will hopefully be some special art events going on throughout the year, which would be really interesting for me to see, and really make this year even better for me.
http://www.turku2011.fi/

Drawing

I've just been to Puolalamäen, once again, and did this sketch of the sculpture that is there. I'm not sure what it's meant to represent but it's of several figures holding each other, and I quite like it. It's on a hill in the park and sitting next to it, there are beautiful views going as far as the cathedral. Today it was snowy and sunny and it looked better than ever. I wish I'd taken my phone with me for photos. That park must be one of my favourite places in Turku; whenever I want to do something but have no real ideas it's a default destination. It's quiet and peaceful, and today I had a sense of wellbeing just from sitting there. I think the ink in my pen might have frozen a bit though...
Obviously it's very cold now, and Jussi very thoughtfully stole my gloves this morning! He has his own, so I have no idea why he also wants my girlie purple ones. I have another pair, if I could only find them again. So my hands and cheeks ended up completely numb, but it wasn't as bad as two nights ago when I needed some food and ventured into the blizzard. How Finnish people stand this weather I will never know.