So social services effectively told me to fuck myself...because apparently when I split up with my boyfriend I should have had money to live on...which I did, briefly, but that happened a while ago and is not really the case anymore. I'm not even asking for them to support me completely, I only want help with my rent. We went to see them just in case Kela were difficult, but Kela is looking to be the more likely option. They've told me that everything seems to be in order, and I know logically that I've given them all the necessary information and that there isn't really a reason why they shouldn't assist me, but how many other times have I been told something by the authorities here which didn't quite pan out? I have a horrible suspicion that something will crop up to ruin everything, and that really upsets me.
Now I'm waiting for Kela's decision about me, but before deciding on whether to pay housing benefits they need to decide whether I should be covered by Finnish social security. I'm quite sure I should, as I have a valid social security number, and have worked and paid taxes in this country, and they said those were the requirements. Now they have a copy of my work contract, so they know that for a fact.
I had a bit of a wobble earlier, and my emergency plan consisted of crying a lot. Now I've thought of a couple of alternative options. Tomorrow I'm going to the employment agency, who should be able to help me properly now, to see if they can hook me up with some suitable jobs. I have no idea why I didn't do that before, seeing as it's blindingly obvious, but it's definitely worth trying. Last night I also contacted a family in Turku who are seeking an English speaking au pere for three months. If that worked out it would be absolutely ideal. In the worst case scenario the employment people can sort me out under the integration law, which basically means they'll give me enough money to live on if I attend a language school for 6 hours a day, 5 days a week. This was suggested when I first arrived but I was not eligible at that time. That's not ideal for me; I'd feel like a schoolgirl, and I'd prefer to work and be a bit more productive, but if it comes to it I'd accept that.
What's really annoying me now is that when I got my social security number everyone told me that would give me the same rights as a Finnish person, and that basically I would be considered as a Finnish citizen, and it's just not true. Having the number or paying taxes here doesn't matter, they will still withhold help because I was born in a different country. That must be the only reason - I have everything in order, I have a valid number, I have worked here and am willing to continue doing so, but I'm still struggling to get help when I need it. I'm pretty sure that if I had a Finnish passport this would not happen. Emmi pointed out the injustice that some people just show up here, hold out their hands and get everything, whereas I have contributed, and would gladly continue to do so, but consistently get rejected. I know this happens in other countries too, including mine, and that there are probably many native Finnish people who find themselves with the same problems as me, just like native British people who don't get support when they need it. Sometimes I really wonder what I'm doing here. I want to stay, but sometimes it's a complete joke. I've been lucky so far - when things have been going wrong something has come up to rescue me for a little while longer - and I hope my luck doesn't run out now.
Showing posts with label angry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label angry. Show all posts
Wednesday, 30 March 2011
Monday, 7 March 2011
The one where I stand up for the Finns
Whilst having a casual browse on Google - meaning I was googling myself (come on, we've all done it) - I found this discussion on Uranus.fi, and I have to say I was absolutely shocked! The conversation seems to have been going on for about five years, and is full of negative, seemingly bitter, comments about Finland and Finnish people. Some people were making quite scary suggestions about this country being a fascist police state, which I don't really know about but still find to be slightly outrageous, but some of the comments made about Finnish people were unbelievable.
If you knew absolutely nothing about Finland and then read those messages you'd be lead to believe that Finnish people are essentially bitter, evil, alcoholic neo-Nazis who hate anything non-Finnish, refuse to accept any kind of multi-culturalism, and possess no redeeming qualities whatsoever. Based on my own experiences with Finnish people I have found the opposite to be the case.
Many people there seemed to be complaining of feeling lonely and isolated. Fair enough, I think that would be an inevitable part of moving to any new country with a different culture, but most people there seemed to blame this completely on the personalities of Finnish people. Apparently they forgot that every single person has their own personality. Of course, wherever you go, there will be unfriendly, disinterested and intolerant people, but the people discussing this were implying there was some kind of collective personality which applied to every Finnish individual.
I found many of the comments to be completely ludicrous. I have not found it insanely difficult to make friends here, and the vast majority of people who I consider to be friends here are Finnish. I only know two or three people from other countries. Several of the friends I have now contacted me through e-mail or Facebook after reading this blog, telling me they lived in Turku and inviting me to do things with them or asking to meet me. Why would such cold, unfriendly people be initiating contact like that?
It certainly wasn't because they wanted something from me. On the contrary, all the Finnish people I know have been willing and eager to help me with both personal stuff and the boring official stuff which is hard for me to handle on my own, without expecting to gain anything in return. These people have gone out of their way to assist me in multiple ways. A lady who lives in another city, and who I will probably never meet, sent me two packages of cutlery and oven gloves, just because I needed them and she didn't. One particular person I met through this blog shortly after I came here has acted as my friend, babysitter, and translator, despite having her own life and problems to deal with, and she has never complained once. She is among a number of people here who have done more for me than I could ever have expected or asked for, and even when this experience is over, I will remain forever grateful to them for giving me so much help during a difficult time. They all know who they are, and they can be sure that if they ever need the favour repaid I would not hesitate for a moment.
Another point made several times in that discussion was that Finnish women are apparently extremely wary and jealous of foreign women, whether they are single or not, and that Finnish women have directly told foreign women that they feel this way. Since coming to this country I have been both in a long term relationship and single, and I know single and attached women here, so I think I can view this from all sides. I can honestly say that no woman I know here has ever acted jealously towards me or seemed to be threatened by me. The ones with partners have never been irrationally suspicious or jealous about me talking to or being around their boyfriends, nor have single women acted like I'm out to steal all the Finnish men from them. If anyone has had these feelings towards me, they've disguised them very well and deserve an Oscar.
Other comments were made about Finns, particularly men, being incapable of having a committed, loving relationship. I only have one person to judge that on, and that didn't exactly work out right, but I'm not going to claim that every Finnish man is exactly the same. I suspect that that is what some of the ladies making those comments were doing - one relationship went wrong so they made a sweeping generalisation. Realistically, as in every country, there will be some men who are no good and some who are wonderful. The other Finnish men I know with partners seem to be doing well enough when it comes to maintaining a good relationship.
I have also met a few people who I found to be unpleasant. However, that would happen anywhere, and the number of pleasant people I have met far outweighs a few people who I disliked.
At least a few people in that discussion seemed to be a bit more positive towards this country and its people, but they were clearly a minority. It's inevitable that some people will have negative experiences here, but it was so strange that the comments made were vastly different to my own experiences and conclusions. I think it's very sad that those people have such a miserable and hateful point of view, and it's very ironic that alongside these narrow-minded generalisations many of them complained about Finnish people being racist and intolerant. Why they remain in this dreadful, secret-police riddled country with these evil bastards is a mystery to me. It's a shame that these ideas are being touted on the internet because there already seem to be some misconceptions about Finland. I have been asked by English people how I got the right to live in a "communist soviet country." They weren't joking either.
Bloody hell. All of this has exhausted me a bit, but I was too shocked to not mention it. I was just going to watch a film and go to bed, I have to get up early in the morning to go to Kela.
If you knew absolutely nothing about Finland and then read those messages you'd be lead to believe that Finnish people are essentially bitter, evil, alcoholic neo-Nazis who hate anything non-Finnish, refuse to accept any kind of multi-culturalism, and possess no redeeming qualities whatsoever. Based on my own experiences with Finnish people I have found the opposite to be the case.
Many people there seemed to be complaining of feeling lonely and isolated. Fair enough, I think that would be an inevitable part of moving to any new country with a different culture, but most people there seemed to blame this completely on the personalities of Finnish people. Apparently they forgot that every single person has their own personality. Of course, wherever you go, there will be unfriendly, disinterested and intolerant people, but the people discussing this were implying there was some kind of collective personality which applied to every Finnish individual.
I found many of the comments to be completely ludicrous. I have not found it insanely difficult to make friends here, and the vast majority of people who I consider to be friends here are Finnish. I only know two or three people from other countries. Several of the friends I have now contacted me through e-mail or Facebook after reading this blog, telling me they lived in Turku and inviting me to do things with them or asking to meet me. Why would such cold, unfriendly people be initiating contact like that?
It certainly wasn't because they wanted something from me. On the contrary, all the Finnish people I know have been willing and eager to help me with both personal stuff and the boring official stuff which is hard for me to handle on my own, without expecting to gain anything in return. These people have gone out of their way to assist me in multiple ways. A lady who lives in another city, and who I will probably never meet, sent me two packages of cutlery and oven gloves, just because I needed them and she didn't. One particular person I met through this blog shortly after I came here has acted as my friend, babysitter, and translator, despite having her own life and problems to deal with, and she has never complained once. She is among a number of people here who have done more for me than I could ever have expected or asked for, and even when this experience is over, I will remain forever grateful to them for giving me so much help during a difficult time. They all know who they are, and they can be sure that if they ever need the favour repaid I would not hesitate for a moment.
Another point made several times in that discussion was that Finnish women are apparently extremely wary and jealous of foreign women, whether they are single or not, and that Finnish women have directly told foreign women that they feel this way. Since coming to this country I have been both in a long term relationship and single, and I know single and attached women here, so I think I can view this from all sides. I can honestly say that no woman I know here has ever acted jealously towards me or seemed to be threatened by me. The ones with partners have never been irrationally suspicious or jealous about me talking to or being around their boyfriends, nor have single women acted like I'm out to steal all the Finnish men from them. If anyone has had these feelings towards me, they've disguised them very well and deserve an Oscar.
Other comments were made about Finns, particularly men, being incapable of having a committed, loving relationship. I only have one person to judge that on, and that didn't exactly work out right, but I'm not going to claim that every Finnish man is exactly the same. I suspect that that is what some of the ladies making those comments were doing - one relationship went wrong so they made a sweeping generalisation. Realistically, as in every country, there will be some men who are no good and some who are wonderful. The other Finnish men I know with partners seem to be doing well enough when it comes to maintaining a good relationship.
I have also met a few people who I found to be unpleasant. However, that would happen anywhere, and the number of pleasant people I have met far outweighs a few people who I disliked.
At least a few people in that discussion seemed to be a bit more positive towards this country and its people, but they were clearly a minority. It's inevitable that some people will have negative experiences here, but it was so strange that the comments made were vastly different to my own experiences and conclusions. I think it's very sad that those people have such a miserable and hateful point of view, and it's very ironic that alongside these narrow-minded generalisations many of them complained about Finnish people being racist and intolerant. Why they remain in this dreadful, secret-police riddled country with these evil bastards is a mystery to me. It's a shame that these ideas are being touted on the internet because there already seem to be some misconceptions about Finland. I have been asked by English people how I got the right to live in a "communist soviet country." They weren't joking either.
Bloody hell. All of this has exhausted me a bit, but I was too shocked to not mention it. I was just going to watch a film and go to bed, I have to get up early in the morning to go to Kela.
Friday, 25 February 2011
Pervs and British things
Continuing with how thorough the Finnish medical profession are, they decided I needed to be swabbed for bacteria because I spent a day in an English hospital last summer. I had to do this twice, and let's just say that some of the swabs were...invasive. As if a very thorough internal examination wasn't enough. I'll leave it at that.
In addition to Kunto magazine, in Anttila yesterday I noticed a magazine, seemingly aimed at tweenieboppers entitled "Fani." It translates as "fan" but I still laughed. But then, I have to stifle a giggle whenever someone in a shop asks me if I want a bag. For English speakers, that's because the Finnish word for bag is a rather unpleasant word you might use as a name for female genitalia...or to refer to your cat.
This week has also been good for finding British products. I was craving cheese toasties, made with proper cheddar, which is hard to come by here. I'd heard that K-Supermarket sells Cathedral City, which I wouldn't normally buy, but I made a special trip anyway. I don't normally shop there but it was so worth it. I finished the whole block in one evening. That's probably not something to be proud of. This week I've also been reading British Glamour, Cosmopolitan and Marie Claire. It's really nice to have those magazines. Wicklund has a surprisingly large selection of foreign magazines, including various British ones. It's been a nice treat to have all this stuff available to me. In England I'm constantly reading magazines, so it's nice to have the chance to do that here. Especially as I'm madly stressed from losing both my keys and glasses, and having so many obstacles come up that the Kela stuff still hasn't been dealt with. I feel completely useless this week but I really hope to start getting my shit together from now on. My problem is that I let other people get in the way of what I'm doing, and don't prioritise myself enough. I've really learned that recently, and it has to stop. I need to start working harder on getting what I want and need, even if other people don't want me to.
It feels like there's not enough hours in the day, which is hardly a surprise when someone else promises to help you and then insists on making you watch tv with them all day, ignoring your pleas to go outside and get stuff done. I can't let anyone hold me back or drag me down for a day longer. I'm fed up with promises that don't quite stick, and my time being wasted as a result. From now on I'm sticking with the people who genuinely will help me, not put their desire to stay in bed over my need to get stuff done.
In addition to Kunto magazine, in Anttila yesterday I noticed a magazine, seemingly aimed at tweenieboppers entitled "Fani." It translates as "fan" but I still laughed. But then, I have to stifle a giggle whenever someone in a shop asks me if I want a bag. For English speakers, that's because the Finnish word for bag is a rather unpleasant word you might use as a name for female genitalia...or to refer to your cat.
This week has also been good for finding British products. I was craving cheese toasties, made with proper cheddar, which is hard to come by here. I'd heard that K-Supermarket sells Cathedral City, which I wouldn't normally buy, but I made a special trip anyway. I don't normally shop there but it was so worth it. I finished the whole block in one evening. That's probably not something to be proud of. This week I've also been reading British Glamour, Cosmopolitan and Marie Claire. It's really nice to have those magazines. Wicklund has a surprisingly large selection of foreign magazines, including various British ones. It's been a nice treat to have all this stuff available to me. In England I'm constantly reading magazines, so it's nice to have the chance to do that here. Especially as I'm madly stressed from losing both my keys and glasses, and having so many obstacles come up that the Kela stuff still hasn't been dealt with. I feel completely useless this week but I really hope to start getting my shit together from now on. My problem is that I let other people get in the way of what I'm doing, and don't prioritise myself enough. I've really learned that recently, and it has to stop. I need to start working harder on getting what I want and need, even if other people don't want me to.
It feels like there's not enough hours in the day, which is hardly a surprise when someone else promises to help you and then insists on making you watch tv with them all day, ignoring your pleas to go outside and get stuff done. I can't let anyone hold me back or drag me down for a day longer. I'm fed up with promises that don't quite stick, and my time being wasted as a result. From now on I'm sticking with the people who genuinely will help me, not put their desire to stay in bed over my need to get stuff done.
Tuesday, 8 February 2011
Moving forward
I'm currently looking into finding my own place to live, which would be really nice to have, but it looks like for a few days I'll be staying in a hostel or hotel, because someone (haha guess who) is making things difficult again. I realise a lot of people will think it's ridiculous, and I have questioned why I'm prepared to go through so much hassle to stay here. I'm sure that if my mother knew about all of this she'd be dragging me back to England herself, and I expect a few other people would share the sentiment. I know why I'm doing this. For a long time I've had my entire life controlled by another person, someone who even admits that I deserve better, and yet makes no attempt to change. So although it might be easier to just leave I'm feeling too defiant to do that. Some of my friends would rather I came home, my father has been of that opinion since day one, and a couple of times I've even wondered what the hell I'm thinking. I'm angry, and I'm refusing to let anyone tell me what is best for me. I've had 18 months of being told what was best for me, but it was never my best interests at heart. I'm going to do exactly what I want, even if it's more difficult, expensive, or risky. I just don't care.
Coming here in the first place was a risk, but obviously I had no idea that things would turn out in such an unfortunate way. Now I want to be here, and the fact that a couple of people want me to come home, even though I'm sure their opinions are based on concern for me and nothing else, makes me more determined and defiant. Also, the easiest way is not necessarily the best way. I'd rather be happy, and ending up living with my parents until autumn would not make me happy. I'd be fucking miserable. This is where I want to be, not forever, but for now at least. I came here, and it doesn't matter why, when or how, what matters to me is that I should get something out of this experience. It's a huge opportunity, and why would I give that up to go work a bullshit temporary job in England? There's so much I want to do. I want to conquer this language one way or another, I want to go to Norway to visit one of my friends who's studying in Bergen for a year, I want to go to Muumimaailma, I want to go to Stockholm, I want to see some other places in Finland...there's a lot of things that would be worth staying for.
Someone told me that if they'd had to put up with the crap I've experienced in the past few months they would have run home crying to their mother long ago. This was not said in a disrespectful way - I think they were trying to say that I was strong for getting through it. I don't think that at all, I think I'm too stubborn for my own good sometimes, and that's the only reason why I haven't done the same thing. Being stubborn and determined is the root of this. Why the hell should I give up just because things didn't go exactly to plan? Plus it's about time I got to do something purely for myself, and not allow anyone else's thoughts to sway me. The time to leave is when I feel ready to and I genuinely want to, not when someone else tells me I should. I'm a bit scared, but that doesn't mean I should give up. The inconvenience of it all annoys me, but hell, life is pretty inconvenient at times. I'm used to inconvenience. I don't expect everyone to agree with me on this but I hope that my friends continue to support and encourage me.
I'm sorry, I'm exhausted, angry and I've had too many bottles of ED.
Coming here in the first place was a risk, but obviously I had no idea that things would turn out in such an unfortunate way. Now I want to be here, and the fact that a couple of people want me to come home, even though I'm sure their opinions are based on concern for me and nothing else, makes me more determined and defiant. Also, the easiest way is not necessarily the best way. I'd rather be happy, and ending up living with my parents until autumn would not make me happy. I'd be fucking miserable. This is where I want to be, not forever, but for now at least. I came here, and it doesn't matter why, when or how, what matters to me is that I should get something out of this experience. It's a huge opportunity, and why would I give that up to go work a bullshit temporary job in England? There's so much I want to do. I want to conquer this language one way or another, I want to go to Norway to visit one of my friends who's studying in Bergen for a year, I want to go to Muumimaailma, I want to go to Stockholm, I want to see some other places in Finland...there's a lot of things that would be worth staying for.
Someone told me that if they'd had to put up with the crap I've experienced in the past few months they would have run home crying to their mother long ago. This was not said in a disrespectful way - I think they were trying to say that I was strong for getting through it. I don't think that at all, I think I'm too stubborn for my own good sometimes, and that's the only reason why I haven't done the same thing. Being stubborn and determined is the root of this. Why the hell should I give up just because things didn't go exactly to plan? Plus it's about time I got to do something purely for myself, and not allow anyone else's thoughts to sway me. The time to leave is when I feel ready to and I genuinely want to, not when someone else tells me I should. I'm a bit scared, but that doesn't mean I should give up. The inconvenience of it all annoys me, but hell, life is pretty inconvenient at times. I'm used to inconvenience. I don't expect everyone to agree with me on this but I hope that my friends continue to support and encourage me.
I'm sorry, I'm exhausted, angry and I've had too many bottles of ED.
Thursday, 13 January 2011
I suck at going to language classes
I've enrolled on a language course. I should have started tonight. The place where I thought the class was really wasn't it. After wandering around feeling very confused and useless for a while, and being directed to the information desk, which very helpfully shut at 3pm, 5 hours before everything else, I found a sign with the correct information for my class. Seeing as the address meant nothing to me I guess tonight is a write-off. It's quite stupid that of the three classes for this course, only one is in that place, which I believe to be their main building, but they didn't think it was worth mentioning where the other classes were.
The classes are every Monday, Tuesday and Thursday; they started this week and now I'm really scared that when I do get there everyone else will be jibjabbing away in amazing Finnish, whilst I sit there saying "Minä olen Englantilainen" over and over again and banging my head against the wall. There's apparently a textbook I need too - maybe if I buy it at the weekend and read the whole thing before Monday I'll stand a fighting chance.
So right now the työväenopisto is not my favourite thing. Not only for completely failing to mention at any time where this class is but for the fact all their correspondence to me and their website is in Finnish. If I understood all of that I wouldn't have signed up for "Finnish for Foreigners" would I? Wankers.
The classes are every Monday, Tuesday and Thursday; they started this week and now I'm really scared that when I do get there everyone else will be jibjabbing away in amazing Finnish, whilst I sit there saying "Minä olen Englantilainen" over and over again and banging my head against the wall. There's apparently a textbook I need too - maybe if I buy it at the weekend and read the whole thing before Monday I'll stand a fighting chance.
So right now the työväenopisto is not my favourite thing. Not only for completely failing to mention at any time where this class is but for the fact all their correspondence to me and their website is in Finnish. If I understood all of that I wouldn't have signed up for "Finnish for Foreigners" would I? Wankers.
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