Why?

I am absolutely certain that I want to return to Finland, and ideally Turku, after I have finished my education in England. If I'm lucky I might already be back in a year from now. Of course I can't predict the future and I don't know what might happen to change things, but for now there's nowhere else I'd rather be. Knowing this, I've been thinking about why exactly I want to be here so much. I'm referring to the qualities of the country that make it so appealing, not the friends I've made or experiences I've had, which obviously make it a good place to be. It's surprisingly hard to pin down.
One big thing is that this country feels much safer and more peaceful than my own. There are terrible riots going on all over England at the moment, plus there's a constant threat of terrorism, and being here has made me realise how worrying it is. I think people in England are generally desensitised to it as it has, unfortunately, become so normal. It's not something I ever really worried about whilst I was there, and now it seems much more pronounced to me.
I think Finland is very beautiful, and I'm not just referring to the countryside. The cities I've seen have beautiful squares, parks and buildings, and are very clean too, much cleaner than your average city in England. The environment is just so nice.
In the summertime the whole place seems to come alive, which is wonderful after a long, dark winter. I think this doesn't happen so much in England because the weather is better in winter, so the contrast isn't so extreme.
I think I also enjoy being surrounded by a culture that is very different from my own; much more different than a lot of people realise. It makes everything so fascinating.
I find it all a bit ironic because when I first visited Finland, two years ago, I didn't actually like it very much. I only went to Helsinki, but I thought that I probably wouldn't go there again. Circumstances got in the way of that, and look at me now!

Reflective walk

I decided to go for a short walk near the church this afternoon to ease my mind for a bit. It was a good idea - soothing and peaceful. I don't think I've ever paid much attention to the area directly around the church, except to set off fireworks on New Years Eve. It was strange that, despite being in the middle of the city, it was very quiet around there. It's set back from the main roads slightly, so perhaps that explains why. It was a bit too chilly to be wandering around for too long, but at least the sun was shining and there's much less ice and snow on the ground at the moment.

I sketched the statue of Per Brahe too, but suffered the usual problem of the ink in my pen freezing. On Wikipedia I found a photograph of the statue that was taken in 1900. It's funny how the background doesn't seem to have changed much since then. I also noticed I've now filled the Muumimamma sketchbook I bought on that first trip to Helsinki. That was when everything got a bit weird in my life. Maybe now it can stop.

It was nice to have some quiet time to just think about things. I happened to bump into someone I know too, and I realised that Turku is becoming quite familiar and homely now. I think this is a good place for me to be, despite certain claims that my life would be better in Helsinki. I don't think that's true.

As I've said before, there's been way too much chaos in my personal life recently, and I really want it all to end now. I can't believe it's been dragged out for so long. When I wander around Turku like this I realise that, regardless of the circumstances or the past, this is the place for me right now, and there's nowhere I'd rather be than right where I am. I've made the correct choice, I'm sure of it. It's been a struggle at times, but a worthwhile one if it means I can have a peaceful time here. I've met so many people, seen the reality of some things for the first time, and worked out what I really want. I feel motivated to do, and get, what I want, so I'm going to get everything in my life in order. Then go back to England and make a mess again!

Reasons to love R-Kioski

I have been here for 3 months now, and it wasn't until today that I recalled that tattoo magazines are more widely available here, as they seem to be in many countries in mainland Europe. On one trip to Amsterdam I think my friend Emma and I bought about 6 between us. In England I only seem to find them in WHSmith, although there is one corner shop in Cockfosters Road with a surprisingly large selection.
The first time I went to Helsinki we went into a shop in Market Square to buy cigarettes, and found loads of tattoo magazines. On my second trip I made it very clear to Jussi that I absolutely had to go to this particular shop to get a magazine. How he did laugh when said shop turned out to be an R-Kioski, a nationwide convenience store chain.
Anyway, I suddenly remembered this today when I was a bit bored, and decided to go get a magazine. There was a decent selection available, one of which was entirely in English, but it seems I had also forgotten the price - all around €10, and I wasn't really keen to spend that much on a single magazine.
Then it got better. What, of all things, did I spy next to the tattoo magazines? BRITISH GLAMOUR! They had InStyle too, but I don't read that so often, whereas Glamour is fairly standard reading for me. It was all in English, and even though it was the international edition, the price wasn't any different to the regular English price. There were separate prices for USA and Canada, but for the rest of the world it's only £2.20, which according to xe.com is a very reasonable €2.55! Unfortunately the current issue is the same one I bought at Heathrow when I was returning from holiday, but I guess in a couple of weeks I'll have to get myself to R-Kioski for the new issue. This really is very pleasing for me - when I went on holiday I was quite surprised to see British Glamour being sold in one shop in Helsinki-Vantaa, so to find it in the shops is really great. Thank you R-Kioski!

In Finland

The trip to the motherland was fairly successful. As a special treat you can see a picture of my cat, who I attempted to teach Finnish to. I thought she managed "moi", but my parents were more convinced it was just a normal cat noise. Hmm. Mainly I ate a ridiculous amount of food and drank about 2 bottles of Lucozade per day. I even had a few bottles left for my suitcase.
As ever, my trip back was very...interesting. It lasted around 23 hours. Great. Due to times and prices of flights not being on my side I got back with SAS and a stopover in Copenhagen. I thoroughly enjoyed Denmark...for the hour I spent there. There are some damn good looking men in that country. Well done Denmark. It's kinda funny to think that I spent yesterday in 3 different countries.
In order to get to Heathrow in time for the flight I had to take 3 trains, the first one leaving at 11.50pm on Friday. When I arrived at 5.30am on Saturday I just wanted to collapse and die. I completely slept through both of my flights, even through the offers of complimentary coffee, which might have helped me.
Eventually, after 2 taxis, 4 trains and 2 flights (that sounds mammoth!) I got safely to Turku and went to bed. It seems that in the past week the snow has been melting, freezing and melting again, because the streets are covered in a lovely looking sludge. Last night in both Turku and Helsinki the snow seemed very thick so maybe it's only just happened. The snow in Helsinki was an absolute joke, even the inside of the train station was exactly the same as in the street. The square outside the station hadn't been cleared at all, and it's a bit silly considering how many people are wandering around there with suitcases, which are almost impossible to carry through snow that thick. It cheered me up that someone there was playing 22 Pistepirkko songs. That's what I expect when I come to Finland!
I'm glad to be back, even though I enjoyed my trip and have certainly learned to appreciate my own nation more after being in another one. The climate was much more pleasant. I did notice, however, how filthy English streets are in comparison to Finnish ones. Seriously, English people - find a bloody bin! I also found that some stuff is much cheaper in Finland, for example cigarettes and public transport. Also, all this talk of vat going up and taxes rising etc made me feel very relieved to be in another country for the time being. Also slightly concerned about going back there in the autumn, but maybe the situation will have calmed down by then. Yeah right...

Turku/Vantaa

Vantaa


Turku


We might move to Vantaa next month, and I'm not sure how I feel about that. I could, of course, stay in Turku on my own, but that would be pretty difficult. My main concern is to be in this country and continue my experiences here - at first Jussi actually wanted to return to England, but I did not go through all this stress for a 7 week holiday!
I've only been to Vantaa because that's where the airport for Helsinki is. I don't really know what it's like, but Jussi is keen so he can work at the Koff brewery again. It's also commutable to Helsinki, so there would be plenty to do and there would probably be more employment opportunities for someone like me.
All of this would be just fine were it not for the fact that I love Turku, I like my job here, and I'm starting to feel quite settled. I was walking home from work at 9am this morning, the sun was just rising, it was snowy everywhere, and it all just seemed so lovely, I wanted to cry just thinking about leaving. I'm not saying I'd want to live here forever but it's such a nice place, and I don't really know what Vantaa is like, and maybe I wouldn't like it there. I haven't had enough of a chance to live here and explore. I'm not really in a financial position to stay here alone, and Jussi is very set on the fact that he wants to leave. Why he feels like that when he bitched and whined for months in London that he wanted to come back here is a mystery. And obviously, I'd like to be with him too, but I don't think I can have both him and Turku. I'm very worried, and very confused. If I really couldn't stay here then I'd choose Vantaa over England any day. Maybe it would be another good opportunity for me, and it would make my overall experience much bigger to have lived in more than one city in this country. I think I need a Finnish person to tell me the whole dirty truth about each place so I can work it all out/give me a coin to flip.
I'm sorry to have this big old emotional rant - this blog was not intended to be for such things, but I guess it is relevant. It's been a bit of a difficult day, thinking about all of this and feeling so uncertain. Any advice is welcome on this one.
On a lighter note, tomorrow I'm meeting a girl who reads this blog, so hopefully I'll end up with a new Finnish friend. Also, in the photo of Turku at the top, the grey building in the top left hand corner is where I live! Not for long apparently, but never mind. Our flat's on the opposite side though.

More about snow

First of all, I do realise that three entries in a single day about snow is slightly excessive, but I really don't care. I've very rarely seen proper snow; growing up in Plymouth, wedged between the sea and some hills meant I only saw real snow three or four times in 18 years. The past couple of years it's snowed in London, and apart from that I've only seen hardcore snow in Paris and Helsinki. And today.
Outside it now does look like the picture below. It only went on for a couple of hours but it was thick. Everything is white, and the light outside is a strange colour. I hear there might be more overnight, so I wonder how it'll be tomorrow. Especially as I have an appointment with the employment agency in the afternoon.
I just went outside because I needed some things from the shop, and my god it was cold! I was wearing two layers, a cardigan, a coat, a hat, and a scarf, and I was still freezing. I wish Jussi hadn't worn my gloves to work today. The wind was really bitter and market square was almost deserted, even though it was only around 6.30pm and a lot of the shops were still open.
There was a little bit of rainy/sleety/icy stuff whilst I was out, which you know is going to settle on the snow and make it really slippery. I wanted to walk really fast to get inside quickly, but the snow was too thick and slippery to make that possible. Jussi text me from work earlier and said this'll be it until March. I can't wait four months to be able to go outside without getting brainfreeze! It's really beautiful when I look out of the window, but less pleasant to be walking in it. And I was only going down the street!
I remember now how uncomfortable the cold was for me in Helsinki in March. By then most of the snow was over but it was still very cold. The first day I was there was particularly cold in the afternoon, just walking down the street made my back ache and made me shiver, just as it has tonight. This certainly isn't the coldest it's going to be, really this is still autumn, even though it seems like deepest, darkest winter to me. I knew this was coming, it's all part of the experience, but I really hope I can adapt to the climate here.

Urgh...

This is the Market Square in Turku. It's 30 seconds walk from our house, so this is the only place I'm all that familiar with. It's pretty much the center of Turku, where most of the shops are, including Stockmann, the big department store. We're really lucky to be so central. At the opposite end of our road is a big park and the art gallery of Turku, which apparently has the second most valuable collection in Finland. I can't wait to go there.

After several days of eating pretty much nothing except frozen pizzas, due to our complete lack of cooking utensils, I insisted we buy a frying pan or saucepan. So I've just eaten a huge stir fry, and you have no idea how awesome that is when you're faced with so much pizza. I never want pizza again.
Today we finally got round to trying to set up benefits. Although I really didn't get far because I need to go to the police and another agency to register for a social security number before I'm entitled to benefits. They made me an appointment for 2 weeks time, when I should get my language course arrange and hopefully get some money.
It's been a bit shit today. I feel so confused all the time, I barely know my way around, I don't understand anything. It freaks me out. The cost and effort of getting here is what puts me off leaving. I like our home, and I do like Turku very much - it's like a smaller, quieter Helsinki, but there's still plenty happening. This is an adventure, and I know there's bound to be ups and downs, but today is definitely a down day. I just don't feel good. Maybe I'm just fed up with feeling stupid and scared and confused. It's inevitable that I feel like that, but it's hard when you're used to being able to read street signs and buy things in the shop without being compeltely lost the whole time. I don't feel very confident here. Maybe I should be trying harder, or worrying less, or something.
On some days I feel really great here, and I'm becoming more comfortable here. On days like today I feel like this is impossible to get through. I have no desire to go back to England, but I'm lost a lot of the time. It's a shame my appointment is in 2 weeks; it means I can't get started on the lanaguge course as quickly as I'd like to.
I guess there's a lot to take in here - everything is new, even the language, the food, the way the traffic lights work...it's a lot to get my head around. These feelings are probably normal in my position, but that still doesn't make it very pleasant.

Day one...

By popular demand, here is a blog about my time as a Johnny Foreigner in Finland! So here I am, sitting on a lovely green rug in my new flat. to be honest, it's so cold outside that I don't want to leave the house. Unfortunately, Jussi (my delightful boyfriend) is very insistent that I should explore. Hmm.
I got here at about 1am this morning. My journey was a complete nightmare. All was going fairly well until I got to Gatwick, where it transpired I'd bought a plane ticket for the day before! There were 3 seats left on the plane so I managed to get one, whilst putting a lovely £260 dent in my credit card. Which I have no idea how I'll repay. Fuck you easyjet. I rushed back to check in with my new ticket, and then discovered that my luggage was 24kg over my baggage allowance! And to take said luggage with me would cost another £230...
Then my credit card got declined. I did very well resisting the urge to cry. Not so well resisting the urge to shout "Fuuuuuck!" However, I called my beautiful, brilliant, perfect mother, who paid the extra money over the phone, got myself checked in and rushed off to security, paranoid that I wouldn't get to the gate in time.
Thankfully, after that the journey went very smoothly. Aside from the fact that the flight was filled almost entirely with Finnish families, complete with their out of control, screaming little darlings. But I survived, found Jussi at Helsinki-Vantaa and we went for a drink by the train station.
Then we were faced with a 2 hour train journey to get to Turku. And for some ridiculous reason, Finnish trains have no luggage racks! Which is very frustrating when you've spent all day carrying around 44kg of crap. I was getting tired and snappy, and hadn't actually eaten all day.
We arrived in Turku after 1am, it was 0 degrees, and it would be an understatement to say that my mood was flagging. We dropped the suitcases off in our new flat and wandered into the night again in search of food. This is where it gets interesting.
We found a kioski (a burger stand) and Jussi bought some crazy chips, deep fried with chunks of sausages! Apparently that's very normal. It was far too meaty for me but I found it fascinating. I just had normal chips, and even those were covered in salad and sauces. I think I'll like Finnish chips...
Eventually I got to bed, and today I had a slightly strange trip to the supermarket. It might become a problem that I don't understand what most of the food is...